Losing Your Identity (i mean, your phone)

It is Day Three of phone watch.  Let me explain, my poor husband has misplaced his phone.  On Sunday, he came to the realization that his phone was really missing.  Sometimes it is only “kind of” missing – that means that he usually finds it right away in his briefcase, gym bag or Jack’s baseball bag.

Searching for his phone has become a family mission which was in full force up until today – we’re exhausted.  However, we do know that the phone has to be near our house, in our house, or in one of the other vehicles.  How do we know this?  Mike has bluetooth in his car and when he pulls away from the house, the car no longer acknowledges the phone.  As soon as he pulls in the driveway – Shazam! – the phone is available.  He can even call from the car!

All of you are thinking to yourselves, “Why don’t those idiots call the freakin’ phone?”.  Well, we aren’t complete imbeciles! Of course, we did that! If that had been the solution, I wouldn’t be writing about it.  This common method of phone-finding is not effective because Mike almost always has his phone set on vibrate (“Why?” IDK!!).

We have started looking in places that the phone shouldn’t be – the dog food bin, front yard, refrigerator, freezer, pantry, under the bathroom sink, under the beds, laundry bins, recycling bin, etc.  I still have NOT done the dumpster-dive – I’m assuming Mike will cover that if he deems it necessary.  My husband has a history of putting his belongings in unusual places – however this strange behavior hasn’t happened in a long, long while! 

Here are a just a few examples:

Mike came home from work, got a snack from the fridge and then we needed to run somewhere.  Where were the car keys?  He just HAD them!!  An hour or two later, we found them in the fridge!

One morning, I had just arrived at the office (on time, as usual!) and I get a call (this was before cell phones) from my husband.  He can’t find his keys – he thinks he threw them under the driver’s seat of MY car.  Huh?  I check under the driver’s seat – yep, there are the keys.  I had to drive home to hand deliver his keys so he could get to work.  Now, I’m late for work.

He has driven around downtown with his uber-nice camera sitting on top of his car – thank goodness for the luggage rack! 

Okay, you get the idea!  The absent-minded professor syndrome runs in the family on his father’s side – he comes by it honestly.  But I thought this was mostly behind us (esp when it came to the keys and phone!).   I have to ask myself, “But, why the relapse?”  Well, he did just get out of the car with Rachel driving (she is working toward her license in June) – that was the last confirmed phone-sighting.  Maybe that did it.  Whatever the reason – the phone is still missing and he may just have to come to terms with the fact that he will have to buy a new phone.

All of this hubbub has me thinking – “What if I lost my smartphone?”  I think the family would find me sitting  in the corner rocking while sucking my thumb.  Too dramatic?  But, who would I pick up, when and where?   What if someone needed to get a hold of me in case of emergency?  What if I received that all important email?  How would I update my Facebook status & Twitter status on the run (doesn’t everyone want to know what I’m doing every minute?)?

This event has driven me to look deep within.  Okay, I’m just going to say it, “My name is Jenni and I am a PDA-aholic.”  Do they have a 12-step program for this?  Someone help me!

UPDATE:

BTW, as I was typing this post, Rachel did something amazing!  SHE FOUND THE PHONE!  She revisited the coat closet (she said she couldn’t sleep until Daddy found his phone – I’m telling you, it was maddening knowing we were near it and couldn’t find it!).  Mike said that he checked all of his coat pockets, but Rachel said that he really just opened up the coat closet, called his phone and listened for the buzzing noise.  What!?  I’ve been pulling couches apart, lying on the floor of my van, feeling up trash bags, walking the front yard, etc!  Men!

They Love Me, They Really Love Me!

Mother’s Day 2010 is here!  
First, the Breakfast

Mother’s Day has been great so far.  Maddie (13 yr old) made me breakfast this morning with Mike as sous-chef. 

The menu had all of my favorites –

  • French Toast using fancy bread – My favorite breakfast food on the planet
  • Bacon (again a big fan!)
  • Homemade chocolate-covered strawberries (is Maddie great or what?!  chocolate for breakfast!)
  • Coffee (an absolute must!)
Second, the Cards

This was my favorite card of the day today:

Outside:

MOM SPIT

100% Organic

Amazing Cleaning Powers

Completely Germ-Free

May contain traces of TLC

Removes unwanted smears and smudges

The inside of the card is irrelevant – I love this card because I have given my multiple children multiple spit bathes much to their dismay!  It has slowed down now that 2 out of 3 are taller than I am.  Hey, if they want to walk around with stuff on their faces, then so be it!  I’m not going to tackle these people now just to keep’em clean.

 

Next, the gifts

Do you remember my post on March 19th – “My Cooking Mojo is Slipping Away”?  In it, I described the day of kitchen woe when  I set my Wolfgang Puck 3-quart sauce pan on fire.  I have missed that pan!  I didn’t realize how much I used it until it was gone :(.   Since the demise of my pan, I have been scouring the internet looking for another pan to replace it.  Well, I have discovered that in order to replace my pan with an exact WP original, I would have to buy a whole brand new set of Wolfgang Puck pans!  What?!  I can’t buy just one pan?  What a racket!! 

I had resigned myself to a cooking life without a 3-quart sauce pan – I would just have to put on my big girl panties and deal!  BUT. . . .. . .

Guess what I got for Mother’s Day today?  A 3-quart sauce pan!  They (I know it was my Rachie’s idea!) found one that could be purchased separately without putting us in the poor house!  Emeril is my new “go-to” guy!

Now, for the Mother’s Day Book – my husband started this really great thing for me.  He bought a blank journal and has had each of the kids write something in it each year for Mother’s Day.  He started this tradition on Mother’s Day 2004 when Rachel was 10, Maddie was 7 and Jack was 4.  It is a time capsule of my kids and I LOVE it.  

Jack’s entry into the book this year

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

Nobody here dislikes you!

It’s true, [even, Jasper!]

Hmmmmm …… that’s sweet, right?!? 

Here is Jack’s other poem to commemorate my special day (he was very TS Eliot for this Mother’s Day!):

If You Give My Mom Some Coffee

by Jack Engledow

If you give my mom some coffee, she’ll want a peanut butter bagel to go with it.

When she eats the bagel, it’ll remind her she needs to make pancakes for everyone this morning because she’s thinking about breakfast.

When she is getting all of the stuff ready, she realizes she needs pancake mix, so she goes to the store.

When she’s at the store, it’ll remind her she needs food for Monday’s lunches, so she gets the food because she’s thinking about food.

While getting the food, she remembers she ate the last bagel so she gets some bagels for breakfast tomorrow.

Getting the bagels, it makes her really want some coffee, so when she’s done buying everything, she’ll go home and get a cup of coffee.

Chances are …

Drinking the cup of coffee, she’ll want a peanut butter bagel. 

The End.

I do like coffee and peanut butter bagels!  Again, sweet, right?! (However, I do seem to be preoccupied with food in this poem).

I know some mom’s don’t always quite get what they think they want out of Mother’s Day, but I have to say that I feel really lucky to have a husband and kids that pay attention and know what brings me joy on this special day.

In this post, I have to give a shout out to my baby girl who is 16 years old today and has to share this day with her MOM!  Happy 16th birthday, Rachel!! 

 

 

To all of the hardworking moms,
Happy Mother’s Day!!

The Crow-Eater, The 16 Year Old, & The New Car

Well, one of the things that I had ALWAYS  said as a parent that I would NEVER do is buy my kids a car.  Why did I feel the need to make this declaration to my children? 

Well, we live in a fairly affluent suburb (that’s putting it mildly) of a major metropolitan area and we live in an older part of this burb that I lovingly refer to as the “slums.”  Our house is 30 +/- years old and does not resemble a small hotel like a lot of the houses in our area.  I think it is safe to say that quite a few kids in our burb expect cars on their 16th birthdays so I wanted to make sure and squash that dream completely and swiftly before the poor things had a chance to fantasize about their new rides (remember, my kids are under a dictatorship right now).  However, my early edicts about birthday cars have gone unheeded and they still say things like, “When I turn 16, my first car is going to be [insert name of car here].”  It’s hard to suppress the dreams of little munchkins, isn’t it?  When they would utter those ridiculous words, I had to remind them that neither their father nor I got a car on our 16th birthday and they weren’t either!  What was good for us was certainly good for them!  Right!?

When I was growing up (I also grew up in this burb, but we were not of the affluent nature), I shared cars with my parents and sister.  We were a two-car family and there was always one available to drive on the weekends.  Also, I had friends with cars (that they purchased themselves!), so there was abundant transportation available.  It worked out and I didn’t waste too much time wishing for a car of my own.

So, what changed my mind about the additional car? (I was probably more adamant than my husband on the birthday car thing.)  A few things:

1.  We are, in a sense, a one-car family.  My husband’s car is a company car and the kids will not be covered drivers (I was just added last year for emergency purposes!).  The one car, as you all know, is the Lemon/ Minivan/Taxi (pick your poison).   You’re saying, “So, what?!”  Okay, let’s say we just had the minivan available (see pic),  am I going to let her take it out on weekends and turn it into a party wagon? (Can you even turn a Town & Country into a “party wagon”?  I guess that is debatable.)  Not that my daughter is of the Party Girl variety (she really isn’t), but I don’t want her (& her friends) to be tempted.

 

 

 

2. I spend more time in my minivan –  more than anywhere else it seems (it is not voluntarily getting a spa day like the Toyota Sienna Mom – see below).  When would Rachel have a chance to hone her driving skills?  Even after she gets her license (in June), she still can’t help me with carpooling (new drivers can’t have anyone under the age of 18 in the vehicle for 6 months).  We would be constantly vying for the van and I, of course, would win (I mean, I am the Mom!).

 

 

In the environment in which we are raising our kids, it can be difficult to hinder a sense of entitlement (they are surrounded by it).  We really want to raise our children with the sense of the value of  money, with the awareness that the world does NOT revolve around them and with the thought that they should pay it forward.  I felt like I was giving in on the birthday car and I hate giving in!  I mean, I’ve been brainwashing them since Rachel was 10 (Maddie was 7 & Jack was 4) that this was not in their futures.

I discussed my back tracking/crow eating ponderings with the hubby and we both agreed that buying another car made sense for us as a family with three kids, but we made some guidelines to make us (me) feel better regarding the about-face we were making.

1.  It is a 3rd family vehicle and NOT Rachel’s car.  It is a car that we have available for her to borrow.

2.  She will buy her own gas.  We will do regular maintenance on it and pay the insurance on it because it is NOT hers.

3.  She will respect the car and the owners (her parental units) by not trashing it (not that she would, but we need to lay down the rules, man!).

Here is the car that we bought yesterday and picked up today:  

 After driving it around today, I may give her the Party Wagon and take the CRV!  I’m not “rockin’ mom jeans” as the Sienna Mom says.

Deja Vu (Again!!)

dé·jà vu   

[dey-zhah voo, vyoo; Fr. dey-zha vy]

Noun
  1. Psychology The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time.
  2. An impression of having seen or experienced something before: Old-timers watched the stock-market crash with a distinct sense of déjà vu. 

 

 

What day is it today?  Tuesday? Wednesday?  I am a little confused.  I feel like I’m in the movie Groundhog’s Day (you know, the movie with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell? Love that movie!). 

Yesterday (May 4th):   
  • Woke up vanless (so couldn’t run errands)
  • Took Shower
  • Folded load that came out of dryer yesterday
  • Moved load to dryer and put new load in washer
  • Kissed Jack and sent him to bus stop
  • Cleaned kitchen
  • Worked on laptop while watching Today Show and Ellen
  • Son got home at 2:55pm
  • Daughters got home at 3:35pm (officially stop working)
  • Uploaded new post to blog
  • Made dinner – chatted with family
  • Watched Idol with the family
  • Went to bed
Today (May 5th): 
  • Woke up vanless (so couldn’t run errands again)
  • Took Shower
  • Folded load that came out of dryer yesterday
  • Moved load to dryer and put new load in washer
  • Kissed Jack and sent him to bus stop (I did make him a lunch today)
  • Cleaned kitchen
  • Worked on laptop while watching Today Show and Ellen
  • Upload new post to blog
  • Son will get home at 2:55pm
  • Daughters will get home at 3:35pm (officially stop working)
  • Will make dinner and chat with family
  • Will watch Idol
  • And, eventually, I will go to bed

Okay, the garage just called about the Van/Taxi – some other part is leaking and it will be another $300 for a total of $800!       

The Van is 7 years old and I guess Chrysler Towne & Country’s weren’t meant to last.  At least it is paid off (isn’t that what everyone says about “lemons”?)  I suppose that one of these days the hubby and I will have to make a decision on whether or not to euthanize the Van and move on to newer transportation.  I hate spending money (I’m a super-saver), especially on cars.  Right now, I see them as a means to an end (getting me to work and getting kids to soccer practice, piano, hair cuts, baseball practice, ortho appointments, etc) and not the end (like guys do!).     

At least I will have a perfectly functioning (yeah, right!) vehicle by the end of day today so I can get into the office tomorrow.  That will be a nice change of pace, huh?  Don’t get me wrong –  I do like working from home, but I also need to be around actual people once in a while!  Talking to yourself can get really old really fast.     

Hopefully, by tomorrow, the Deja Vu spell will be lifted!

A Tale of a Runaway (well, almost)

I was intrigued by the recent story in the news about the Runaway Mom, Tiffany Tehan.  I mean, who hasn’t ever thought of running away – even just once?

But, to actually do it is what?  Crazy, irresponsible, cruel, selfish, etc.?!  Especially the way that she did it – no contact what-so-ever.  What did she really think was going to happen?  That she could disappear and have her awesome, stress-free life now? 

I’ve read some quotes from her in various news articles and here are a few gems:

Tiffany Tehan Wants to Repay Cops for Search – So They Don’t File Charges (www.cbsnews.com, Apr 30th):

The 31-year-old apologized on “Inside Edition” on Thursday and said her religious upbringing made divorce impossible.

– This statement just has me confused.  So betraying your husband, daughter, family and friends is deemed okay and congruent with your religious upbringing?

She says, in hindsight, that the decision to run was not right for her. 

– Really? Ya think?  She has the under-developed frontal lobe of a teenager.  According to my almost 16-yr-old daughter, teens make bad, short-sighted decisions because their frontal lobes aren’t fully developed.  Apparently, the frontal lobes are completely mature around our early to mid  20s, but hers must be idling at maybe age 15.

 Runaway Mom Tiffany Tehan Didn’t Think Search Would Go Nationwide (www.abcnews.go.com, May 3rd):

“In a nutshell I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with life, just the pressures of work and raising a 1-year-old daughter,” she (Tiffany Tehan) said. “I wish that I had handled things completely differently.”

– Who hasn’t felt this way at one time or another?  I mean, I have three kids! One seems like a cake walk now.  Anyway, you don’t runaway, you go out for martinis with your friends!  Did she think her “new” life would be any different? What if she had more kids with the new guy?  Refer back to the immature frontal lobe.

“I really didn’t think anyone would look that hard for me,” Tehan said. “Maybe a little bit, but not nearly what it turned into.”

– She really thought that her husband, parents, siblings and friends would just be like, “Well, she’s gone.  Nothing else we can do here.  Let’s get on with our lives!  At least she left us the car!”

There are others, but you get the picture.  One of the puzzling things for me regarding this story is the husband’s reaction.  It appears that he has forgiven her and wants her back.  Let’s face it, this whole story is perplexing.

Now, I’m not discounting her feelings of being stressed out and overwhelmed, just her reaction to it.  My husband and family will probably cringe when they hear this, but as I’ve driven in circles around Carmel doing my taxi duties after working all day, I have often thought, “What if I just keep driving and don’t look back?” (Of course, I would make sure all kids have exited the taxi first).  This thought popped in my mind more frequently when I was working full-time, but it still makes its way to the surface now and again.  There are some days when I feel that I just can’t keep up with my life and the life of my family (since I am family manager) and it is overwhelming

I still haven’t called about Rachel’s driving test (that reminds me – I really need to do that!), the interior painting quote, the quote to replace all of our windows, the kennel for Jasper in May & June, Camp Pyoca for the kids, blah, blah, blah. . . . . . . .  Ummmm, maybe I should go upstairs to pack my bags and get in the car and drive.

Oh, . . . . . . . .  wait   a   minute!  My van (a.k.a. the taxi)  is in the shop today for the umpteenth time in the last 8 months (about $500 worth of work and they need to keep my car overnight).  CRAP!  This is really going to put a dent in my escape plans.

I guess I will have to work on an escape plan later – another item for my “To Do” list.  Shoot!

Where the Heck is Waldo*?!?!

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

My son’s 10th birthday party was this past weekend and he had invited 8 of his friends to play some laser tag at Laser Flash.  The boys love it because they get to pretend to shoot people (& things) and there is a beginner gambling hall (a.k.a.  arcade) available!  Parents love it because there are Party Assistants that take care of EVERYTHING (serving the kids the pizza, soda, cake,  writing down gifts & names, etc).

Well, the kids have played their 40 minutes of laser tag, have eaten a TON of pizza (the 2 large pizzas we ordered were almost NOT enough for nine 10-yr-old boys) and cake (some boys had TWO pieces) and have analyzed their scorecards.  Now, it is time for a little gambling!  The Party Assistant handed out their tokens and off they went!   [Side note on the food – when do boys start eating you out of house and home?  My other two kids are daughters and they don’t do that.  The food consumption caught me off guard!] 

 

The arcade is not really gambling, but to me it’s just the first step.  They clamour for tokens and spend their tokens at a frighteningly frantic pace (my son had spent all of his 22 tokens in 5 minutes) in the endless pursuit for tickets.  The frantic nature of their quest for the most tickets amongst their peers is akin to an addiction to me.  They get a crazed look in their eyes and run like fanatics from game to game to game.  Then, they get to “spend” their tickets on, well, crap.  That is the only word I can think of to describe the abundant offerings at the ticket redemption counter.

Now, back to the story – once all of the kids ran off to the arcade, our Party Assistant noticed one cup of tokens left on the table.  He said that he thought that the blonde kid had gone to the bathroom – we confirmed with the PA where he was sitting during the Pizza & Cake frenzy and determined that the mystery kid was Waldo.  Well, Waldo had been gone maybe a little too long for a bathroom visit, so Mike went to find him.  He came out of the bathroom – no WaldoWhere did he go?  Why didn’t he come back to the table to get his tokens?  We started wandering around the arcade (it really isn’t that big of a place) looking for Waldo.  We asked all of the boys if they had seen him and they all answered in the negative.  Now, my heart is racing because I’m thinking to myself, “Not again.”  (I will explain the “not again” later).  I look at my husband and I know he also just had the same thought (“not again”).  We got the staff involved and they were awesome!  They got on the PA, someone accompanied my husband to search outside, and the staff looked in every nook and cranny of the place. 

I can’t adequately describe to you the sickening feeling I had – it’s one thing to think that you’ve misplaced your own child, but lose another person’s child is unspeakable.   What had happened to him?

 

In my brain, I kept thinking that Fox 59 News was going to show up any minute to expose us for what we really were – the worst party chaperones (parents, human beings, you name it) on the planet. 

Fox 59:  “So, can you tell us how you lost a 10-yr-old boy in your care?”

Jenni:   “Ummmm…..”

Fox 59:  “How come you did not keep track of all of the boys at all times?”

Jenni:  {It’s like herding cats!”}  “Well, Umm….”

Fox 59:  “How will you be able to sleep tonight knowing that you have your son and Waldo’s family is now missing theirs?”

Jenni:  ”  I, uh …….”

What had happened to poor Waldo? Who had him?  I started imagining the outcry for our heads, the law suits, etc.  These along with other images and thoughts were flooding my head as we were looking for Waldo for the 15-20 minutes that this ordeal lasted.

The manager asked me, “Do you think he had been picked up already?”.  My first thought was that I hoped so, but what kind of parent would pick up his kid without at least having him thank Jack for inviting him and letting us know that he was taking him? 

The manager called the number on Waldo’s registration form – answering machine.  I had asked the girls (who were at home) to track down the cell number of Waldo’s mom (Waldo’s parents are divorced) and as I was getting ready to call her, I hung up.  I looked at the manager and said, “What do I say?  Hello, we’ve lost your child.”?  He offered to make the call (bless his heart) – she confirmed that Waldo was with his dad this weekend and she would call to see if he had picked up Waldo.  We were waiting anxiously for her return call – she finally called back and confirmed that Waldo’s father had actually been at the arcade the ENTIRE time and he did currently have Waldo with him. 

What?!

Both of us were FURIOUS!!!  We were t-h-i-s close to calling 911!!  He was in the arcade the entire time, did not introduce himself to us, and then whisked his kid away without telling us!  Huh?!  What kind of jerk (clean version) does that?!  Well, apparently, Waldo’s father!!!  We called off the outside search team, thanked the staff profusely for their help and apologized on behalf of the !#$%@ father!

Once we made sure that all of the other boys were picked up by a parent that we recognized (we checked and double checked), we went home.  On the way home, I felt that I owed Waldo’s mom an explanation for the strange call from Laser Flash.  By the end of the conversation, she was ready to rip the dad a new one!  Good!

Explanation for the “Not Again” Comment Earlier in the this Post:

At Jack’s 9th birthday party at Laser Flash (last year), we had another almost 911 incident.  One of the invitees (we’ll call him Fred*) lived (and still does) in our neighborhood and we offered to bring him home.  I don’t think Fred ever really understood that he was riding home with us.  As the parents were coming to get their children, we were greeting them and also trying to keep track of the remaining children.  At some point, both Mike and I had realized that we hadn’t seen Fred in a while.  We asked Jack where he was – he didn’t know.  We started roaming the arcade and could not find him ANYWHERE.   Again, the same panic as stated above.  Again, the staff was great – they started an all out search party.  The couple I was speaking with as we realized Fred was missing left with their kids.  And, then not 1 minute after they left, that same couple gave me a call.  There was a boy standing at the end of the parking lot near the busy street – could that be our missing boy?  I ran outside and it was Fred!  What the heck?  I guess he wanted to go outside to wait for his parents (who were NEVER coming!).

I’ve never had a kid do that before at a party.  We have three kids and we’ve hosted multiple birthday parties!!! We never had this problem at any of the girls’ parties. Why is that?!

Fred was invited again this year and we made sure that he knew that he was riding home with us so we wouldn’t have another incident.  A lot of good that did for us.  It still happened again! 

Is it just me and Mike?  Are we really bad chaperones?  We are beginning to wonder.  People may stop entrusting us with their children.

Mike and I have had enough of birthday parties for a while . . . . . Oh, wait, we have one more this year – Rachel’s 16th!  H-E-L-P!

Jenni said, “I’m NEVER Doing THAT!”

I was talking with my Miss Maddie the other day and I’m not sure how we got on this topic, but it was about the things parents end up doing that (A) we think we will NEVER do – or – (B) think we will NEVER experience  – or – (C) think we will ALWAYS do.

Jenni’s List

 (not in any particular order)

1.  My diaper bag will ALWAYS contain every essential known to babydom:  formula, bottle, water for formula, diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream, extra pacifier, toys, extra outfit, blanket, etc. – Yep, I know, crazy!  Right? But, as you may recall, my Type A personality likes order and also likes to minimize surprises.  Well, I’m sure all of us, at one point or another, has encountered a deficiency in the diaper bag.  With 3 kids, it did happen more frequently than I wanted, but what are you going to do?

2.  I will NEVER go to work with spit up on my clothes. – I’m sure many of us have left the house all spiffed up unaware of the goo we were wearing.  I distinctly remember going to work (different incidents) with spit up on the back of my blouse and graham cracker fingerprints on the back of my blouse.  Why is it always on the back? Of course, it took another mom in the office to let me in on my outfit embellishments!

3.  I will NEVER wipe snot with my bare hands. – In one of my many office settings of my illustrious careers (before Mike and I were married), a new mom was telling the tale of when she had to wipe snot with her bare hands because there was nothing else available.  Well, when I heard that, I was like, “Why wouldn’t you just have tissues in your purse, diaper bag and car at all times? Duh!”  Well, Every time I have wiped snot from one of kids’ runny noses with my bare hands, the smug thoughts I had about my co-worker float to the surface.  Like an idiot I didn’t always follow my own advice!  I do have to ask , why, as moms, do we feel the need to share that kind of story with anyone, let alone casual, kidless co-workers (are we trying to scare them away from parenthood?)? 

4.  I will NEVER give my kids sweets as a toddler. – Well, Rachel was our first and very much deprived of traditional sweets until she was about 4 probably.  She was my first baby and I followed every guideline to the nth degree.  Now, Maddie, the next in line, was different.  I think that happens with subsequent kids, don’t you think?  We were in Michigan for vacation in July, so that would make Maddie 5 months old.  She had her first frozen popsicle on that vacation (the kind that are liquid first and freeze – our family calls them Ben Baxter pops (long story)).  It was like a drug for her – when one came into her line of vision, she would reach out for it and her whole body would wriggle until you gave her some.  I guess we blew that one!

5.  I will NEVER get peed on or pooped on by my baby. – Yeah, right.  What was I thinking?  That is one of three things babies primarily do – cry, eat, & generate dirty diapers.  One of the girls (she shall go un-named) was 3 mos old and had an explosion in her diaper so big that we had to cut her clothes off!  They were unsalvageable!! It took two of us to manage this explosion – while one of us was extracting her from her clothing (Mike), the other one had to get the bath going (me)!  That was something I definitely couldn’t have anticipated.  Oh, and I eventually had a boy, so, yeah, duh!

6.   I will NEVER let my kid walk around with a pacifier in her mouth at all times – Oh brother!  We blew that one right away with our first child.  We had it clipped to her so she wouldn’t lose it – what the hell were we thinking?!  Getting that thing away from her when she was four was harder than getting an addict to give up cocaine.  We had to wean her off of it slowly.  She could have it for naps and bedtime only, then bedtime only and then nothing at all.  To replace the pacifier, we bought her a Mickey Mouse Playskool glow worm – that went over like a lead balloon!  When we noticed her sleeping, she just substituted the “pacie” with her thumb!!!  Now, what?  It took her dentist to convince her that she was going to ruin her teeth if she kept sucking her thumb – she literally gave it up that night after her appointment.  We were very careful with our other two after that!

7.  I will  NEVER say to my kids, “Because I Told You So!” – When I was kid and my parents said that to me, I promised myself that I would never say that to my kids!  Well, what can I say?  I say IT all of the time!  And, I usually add, “I don’t have to get your buy-in because this is not a democracy!  It is a dictatorship!”.  That’s a new thing that I added to it – I think it adds a certain flair, don’t you?

8.  I will NEVER yell at my kids like my parents did.  I will ALWAYS talk to them in an even tone of voice. – Um, if you’ve read my post “The Mom, the 4th Grader and the ISP” then you know that I have already broken this promise.  I love my kids, but they can bring out “Crazy Mommy” faster than any other human beings on earth!

9.  I will NEVER let my kids get hooked on Barney (he was the hot ticket when Rachel was born).  Well, one of Mike’s “friends” gave us a Barney video for Rachel and then she fell in love.  However, we stubbornly refused to buy her a Barney stuffed animal until she started sleeping with an empty Barney shampoo bottle – his name was Shampoo Barney (it was so pitiful).  Okay, again, not sure how we could have prevented our daughter from falling in love with the nicest dinosaur EVER!  So when the Teletubbies were hot when Maddie was a toddler, we just gave in.  How can you fight the advertising machine?! (I know, don’t let my kids watch TV.  Yeah, right!).

 

10. I will NEVER ……….Well, it would be great if I could think of a 10th one so we would have a Top 10 of sorts, but I can’t.  I think that there were only 9.  Of course, these were only really applicable when we were new parents and the kids were young.  I have to say that Mike and I haven’t really developed any “I will NEVERs” or “I will ALWAYs” for the teen years because we were too busy and too pooped to think straight when they were toddlers to give two hoots about the tween & teen years (they were SO far off)!  I also think it was because the “rules” that we had laid out for ourselves as new parents were blown out of the water as soon as we had kids!  We have definitely learned that we need to be agile, fluid and adaptable when raising children because things rarely go as planned.  Now, we  are flying by the seat of our pants and making it up as we go along  . . . .  Here we go!