Inappropriate Dinner Topics for Children

Well, well, well. We had an interesting dinner tonight – it was just 4 of us ’cause Rachel had to work (we decided that this conversation would have taken a completely different turn had she been present. A lot of “Oh My God-ing! This is not appropriate! I’m leaving!”)

We were just shootin’ the breeze about my husband’s work  and I was joking with him that the only reason he invites me to work social functions is because I can talk to anyone (I mean it. If I can’t get you talking about something, then, well, you just might be boring and hopeless). I’m the uber-social side of our twosome. 

Then, Maddie (14 yo) chimed in with, “Mommy, he invites you because you’re his trophy wife.”  Awe, isn’t she sweet? After Mike and I stopped laughing, we explained that I’m not really a trophy wife.

Maybe you’re wondering, “What is the definition of a trophy wife?” Mike shared with the table that, according to ESPN (apparently experts on trophy wives), the age of a trophy wife equals half of the age of the husband plus 5 years.

Thus, AofTW = AofH/2 + 5

I thought to myself,“Okay, I’ll buy that.”

Are you “Modern Family” fans? We are! Maddie, starting to get the gist of a trophy wife, wondered if Gloria counted as a trophy wife. Mike reflected that Gloria was probably 35 years old and Jay was likely 6o years old, so the math would work. Maddie nodded her head like, “A-ha”.

Then, the kids started calculating the age of Mike’s actual trophy wife. Daddy confirmed with the kids that he was indeed, 46. So the kids started doing the math….”Hmmm…half of 46 is 23 plus 5 equals 28. Daddy’s trophy wife would be 28 years old!”.

Thus, confirming that I’m not daddy’s trophy wife.

Then, the kids started calculating how old my husband would be if I were the trophy wife.  Whoa, the head calculators were humming!  Jack was talking through the math process aloud along with Maddie and came to the conclusion that my got-rocks hubs would be 80 years old (I’m 45).

We were all giggling and laughing about my “old hubs” and then Jack (11 yo), while snorting and guffawing, asks, “What are we talking about?”

Then, we all started laughing!!!

We, again explained the concept of the trophy wife to Jack. And, then he says, “Mommy, are you going to blog about this?” I was already two steps ahead of that boy!

Mike told the kids that they will likely never encounter a story problem like this one on their math tests. So, true.

But, we did come up with a story problem for all of you based on the premise that the age of the Trophy Wife equals half of the age of the Husband plus 5 years. Here it is:

Hubby and Wifey divorce and both are age 45. Wifey remarries and becomes a trophy wife to her New Love. The Hubby remarries a Trophy Wife of his own. What is the difference in the ages of the New Love and the New Trophy Wife?

The person with the right answer gets a free subscription to The Engledow Chronicles!

By the way, my son came up with the title of this post. Kinda sad, right?

I Now Pronounce You Husband & Wife……

I’m usually not a very sappy person, but I have to admit that I love weddings.  We attended our nephew’s wedding on Saturday and I could have bawled like a baby, but I held in most of it (so as not to embarrass my children or husband).  To me, weddings represent optimism, joy, expectation, happiness. . . . . It’s a nice reminder that there are good things happening in the world despite the BP oil spill, Afganistan, Iraq, tensions in Iran, tensions in Pakistan, the Gaza Blockade, etc.

The bride looked gorgeous and my nephew looked dashing – they were giddy, happy, overwhelmed by the moment….etc.  They did the brave thing and wrote their own vows – the vows were so sweet and heartfelt.  It was a beautiful wedding and the reception was a lot of fun (lots of good music)!

My hope for both of them is that they have indeed each found his/her soul mate and will be one of the 50% of couples that stick with it through the good times and bad.  Whoa, where did that come from!?  Sorry, that sounded a bit pessimistic, didn’t it? 

To explain . . . . at my last hair appointment, my hairdresser who is all of about 24-25 said something very shocking to me.  Three summers ago, she was a bridesmaid in about 5 weddings (think “27 Dresses”) and was a guest at a few more.  The shocking news?  Three years later over half of the couples are now divorced and one of her friends is getting re-married.  What?!

I know you’re thinking, “Whatever.  You’re so naive, woman!”  Hey, I do realize that divorce rates are high, but come on!  After two years, they’re ready to call it quits?!  They couldn’t wait until the 7 Year Itch?!  They probably haven’t even finished writing the “Thank You” notes yet! 

I really feel for the parents that dished out for these elaborate affairs (some of them sounded really insane!).  Not wanting to be one of these parents in the future (because, well, I do worry about it), I capitalized on this information as a learning moment for the offspring. 

“It doesn’t matter how amazing your wedding planner is (don’t get me started on this topic), where your reception is held, what your ‘colors’ are, or what your dress or cake looks like!  That’s not what makes a marriage!”  

But, these elements do make for a nice wedding album – ONLY if you hired the right photographer! 🙂  Okay, enough of the “Debbie-downer” routine.

Attending weddings always makes me think back on my own (over 19 years ago).  It was a blur, but I have happy, blurry memories of it!  Look at us full of optimism and hope for the future!

To the June wedding couples in my family

My sis & bro-in-law (14 years this June) – Congratulations!!



My parents will be celebrating their  50th Wedding Anniversary  this month!  Congratulations, Mom & Dad! 


Here’s to the future!  Congratulations, Craig & Laura!