Author Archives: Jenni

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The Breast Food I’ve Ever Eaten

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Recently I came across a headline in my twitter feed that really made me do a double-take.  The topic of breast milk wasn’t the eye-catching part. It’s what’s being done with the breast milk: cheese and ice cream.

Breast Milk Ice Cream A Hit At London Store

Excerpt from the article (to read on the entire article, click on the title):

The rare offering proved a hit with customers at the Covent Garden store — the first batch sold out within days of being introduced. A serving of Baby Gaga, which is reportedly flavored with vanilla and lemon zest, goes for 14 pounds — or about $22.50.

In an interview for British TV, store founder Matt O’Connor says, “It’s pure, it’s natural, it’s organic, and it’s free range — and if it’s good enough for our kids, it’s good enough to use in our ice cream.

The U.S. FDA is a bit leery of using “donor human milk.” On its website, it explains why:

Risks for the baby include exposure to infectious diseases, including HIV, to chemical contaminants, such as some illegal drugs, and to a limited number of prescription drugs that might be in the human milk, if the donor has not been adequately screened. In addition, if human milk is not handled and stored properly, it could, like any type of milk, become contaminated and unsafe to drink.

The reference to “free range” is funny.

Underneath the ice cream article there was a link to the article shown below due to the similar topic so I had to click on it.

Chef Dishes Up Breast-Milk Cheese (March 2010)

Excerpt from the article (to read the entire article, click on the title):

When Angerer posted a recipe for “My Spouse’s Mommy’s Milk Cheese” on his blog, customers began calling his eatery begging for a taste. So he began offering an appetizer of breast-milk cheese with figs and Hungarian pepper at Klee Brasserie. While response has been generally positive, Angerer and Mason admit the dish has been a decided turnoff to some.

“I think a lot of the criticism has to do with the combination of sex and cheese,” Mason told the New York Post. “But the breast is there to make food.”

The ice cream article said that women answered an internet ad and that they used the breast milk of 15 women. Did they specifically need 15 or was that how many answered the ad? How much breast milk is needed to make how much ice cream? The article didn’t say. 

I would be curious as to why these women were compelled to answer the ad. Are they being compensated? What would be adequate compensation? Free ice cream? That might have made me think twice – ice cream is one food that I can’t live without or resist.

There are SO many questions – way too many to list in this post.

The article about the cheese said that the chef used 2 gallons of his wife’s breast milk to make some cheese. Whoa there! TWO gallons?! How long did that take? I can’t even imagine.

How much cheese did this produce? The article didn’t say. But, according to some cheese recipes online, 2 gallons of milk will make about 1.5 lbs of cheese (I think I did the math correctly). That seems like a lot of work for 1.5 lbs of cheese.

What do you think about these articles? I’m not sure what to think. The concept does have a “eewww” factor for me, why? Is it the “combination of sex and cheese” like the cheese article implies? I don’t think that’s it. The FDA statement in the ice cream article does list some valid concerns.

The one thing that I’m certain of is that I would never pay $22.50 for a serving of ice cream – I don’t care what’s in it.

Would any of you sample the “Mommy’s Milk Cheese” or the “Baby Gaga” ice cream?

 

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Heeerrree’s Johnny!

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If you’ve read the story of our traumatic Monday, then you’re familiar with the loss of a dear family member, Jahmal. In the days since we took Dexter to the vet and recently called Birdie 911 for Jahmal, I’ve learned more about parakeets than I thought I would ever learn in my lifetime.

I’ve learned that:

~They also go by the term ‘Budgie’.

~They get incurable liver disease.

~You can’t 100% tell the gender of the bird without a $40 blood test (apparently they have no obvious differences, if you know what I mean ). Yeah, like I’m going to terrorize the human Engledows and the avian Engledows for that detail!

~You can make a reasonable assumption on the gender of the bird by looking at its beak. If there is blue across the “bridge of the nose” so-to-speak, then the bird is male. If that area is brown, it’s female.  The Bird Vet said that the beak test is not 100% accurate due to in-breeding and such, but it’s used as a reliable indicator of gender.

~Their beaks and claws grow like finger nails and need trimmed if they have incurable liver disease (otherwise, good grooming materials in the cage for healthy birds takes care of that problem).

~If they’re sick, they won’t display it until it’s critical and too late. It’s ‘Survival of the Fittest’ – the weakest birds get eaten in the wild (Where on the planet are there wild budgies? Rain Forest?). So, saving a sick bird seems highly unlikely given that info. When talking to the Bird Vet, I jokingly said, “So what would you have done for our bird? CPR?”. She answered in the affirmative – if it’s warranted, they’ll do it. I’m still trying to picture that one.

To help my Miss Maddie get over her sadness, we went to the pet store to get a new buddy for Dexter. They had yellow/green ones (we already had one like that!), so we went for the bluish ones. Since we were limited to males (why? Dexter is male and I don’t know nuthin’ about birthin’ no baby birdies!), we used the beak test to pick out likely candidates. There were really only two options (they had a lot of females!). There was a low-key one, just hanging out not bothering anyone and then there was this crazy one, picking on the girls, biting on others’ tails. Maddie opted for the low-key one considering that Dexter is sickly and on his way out. It wouldn’t be fair to choose a cage-mate that would literally torture him until his dying day.

Our newest addtion is adjusting to his new home nicely – he has started chirping (we were a little worried about his silence) and he and Dex seem to be buds now.

The picture in this post is of Dexter (flying off) and our new blue budgie, John.  John?

I said to Maddie, “You went from Jahmal to John?”

Maddie, “I like John.”

Well, that’s that! Welcome to the Engledow family, John!

 

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Lessons in Death

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It’s been a while since we had a really bad day in the Engledow house. If you keep up on my posts, you will know that my middle daughter worked us over for months to get a parakeet (aka budgie). So, we eventually gave in and welcomed two new buddies into our house in December – Jahmal & Dexter (see pic to the left). Jahmal is the blue and white one and Dexter is the yellow and green one.

When I went on my “Mom’s Gone Wild” weekend in Florida last month, I received a text from Maddie telling me that Dexter had been diagnosed with terminal liver disease (his beak and claws were growing exponentially so we set an appointment with a specialty bird doc). The Vet gave Dexter a trim and gave my daughter some medicine that she was supposed to administer to Dexter once a day. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that the Vet gave Dexter a month to a year to live.  What?!?  So, my teenage daughter is supposed to traumatize Dexter (and also traumatize herself) once a day by grabbing him out of his cage only to stuff a dropper of medicine into his tiny little beak until he drops dead maybe a 30 days OR 365 days from now?

She came to us two days later and asked us the big question….“What would happen if I stopped giving Dexter his medicine?’  I wasn’t surprised or disappointed. It was a good and tough question.  My husband and I told her that we should all sleep on it then we would discuss it. She clearly was very disturbed every time she had to terrify and wrench Dexter from his cage. Was it fair to ask my daughter to do this every day?

We discussed it and determined that if she decided not to medicate Dexter, that it was okay. This treatment was not a cure. It only prolonged his life – wasn’t it better for the parakeet to be free of stress for the remainder of his days instead of being terrorized once a day for an interminable period of time? We thought so and so did Maddie.

This morning Maddie called my cell phone (not realizing that I decided to work from home today) hysterically sobbing. I hung up my phone and ran upstairs (really glad that I listened to my gut and decided to stay home) and poor Jahmal, the “healthy” one, was lying on the bottom of the cage, honking and wheezing. My Miss Maddie was beside herself. I told her to call the specialty Vet and I would hop in the shower. The Vet said to get there ASAP! I was about 10 minutes away from being ready when Maddie came in and said that she thought he was dead. I ran to her room and confirmed her suspicions.

If the bird at the bottom of the cage had been Dexter, she would have been able to handle it a little better. It was expected. Not Jahmal. He was the healthy one. It wasn’t his time. Sadness….

In calling the Vet to let them know not to expect us, I found out some interesting information. The person I spoke with said that due to the state that he was in (lying on the bottom of the cage, barely conscious and wheezing), it was very likely that there was nothing that they could have done for Dexter.  Huh? Why then would you act like there was something you could do and give my girl hope? Did they need my $80 that much? She could have handled the truth! Little irritated here.

She did have a brief lesson in death today. She experienced her first loss in a very unexpected way (Jahmal wasn’t supposed to go first!) and grieved all day.

Life is just that – unexpected (both good and bad).

A ceremonial burial in the backyard is planned (as soon as it stops raining).

Here’s to my girl and her bird….

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Did She Work Here?

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Wow, this is a shocking story – Woman Dies at Desk but Nobody Notices.

This headline caught my eye. This is crazy, right? What does this say about us as a society? Didn’t anyone tell her to have a good weekend? Not to work too late? Or, invite her out for an after-work cocktail?

I haven’t really thought about dying much, but I definitely don’t want to be found at my desk. Where would I want to be discovered? Haven’t thought about that one either, but my place of employment is at the bottom of the list.

A security guard found her the next day around 1:00pm.  She was only 51 years old and had just become a grandma  the week before – so sad! She is just 6 years older than me. wow, wow, wow. . .

Is that how she would have wanted to be remembered? Remembered as the person that died at her desk? I seriously doubt it.

This got me thinking about how I would like to be remembered. Since I haven’t really given this much thought, my feelings regarding this are fuzzy and unclear. I obviously want to be well thought of in the spouse, mother, daughter, friend, sister departments. Would there be anything else? Hmmmm…… I’ll have to get back with you on this one.

When I saw her age, it really struck me. Life is crazy, fleeting, and unexpected. If there is something I really want to do, I better start working on it. 

What am I waiting for?

link to photo

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Something New

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Okay. I tried something new yesterday and it didn’t really work for me. I didn’t like it. What is it, you ask?  . . . . . . I strayed from my normal morning routine.  (-GASP-).

To back track a bit, on my trip to Florida with the girls, I confessed my rigid daily Mon-Fri routine. As I said it aloud, I realized how crazy I sounded. So. . . .

Yesterday: The middle one missed the bus, so I had to venture out (in sweats without a shower and, more importantly, coffee) into rush hour traffic to take the always-tired, sleep-til-the-last-minute teenager to school. Since my routine was already askew, I just went with it and deliberately didn’t do the following in my usual routine: my usual laundry rotation (move load from washer to dryer, put new load in washer), fold the newly dried load, clean up the breakfast remains, and unload and load the dishwasher.

What did I do?  I did make my bed (I can’t let that go), got my paying job work done, did eventually go swimming at 1:00pm and then took my shower (finally!).

Oh, I forgot to mention that I didn’t make the scrumptous dinner I had planned either – I just wasn’t into it (and, that is weird). Everyone had to fend for themselves.

I was going with it……

Then. . . . . I woke up this morning and the dishes were still there, the laundry was still there (and growing) and the downstairs was a mess. Now, I had multiple loads of laundry to fold, the huge mess in the kitchen to clean up (including new breakfast dishes) and the downstairs to straighten. What did straying from my rigid routine get me?  Bigger messes that took longer to clean up.

My experiment didn’t work. This winging it thing only works for me when I’m on vacation (yes, there is vacation-jenni and real-world-jenni). Real-world-jenni needs routines to keep her sane – that’s all there is to it.

I’m glad we finally got that straightened out!

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From Fearful to Fearless

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On my drive home from work today, I was thinking about the word fear. What am I most afraid of? Let’s see….

The Big Kahunas: 

  • Loss of financial security
  • Failure (all kinds – parenting, relationships, work, etc.)
  • Stagnation
  • Not being relevant

The Minor Things:

  • Spiders
  • Snakes
  • Jiggly foods (pudding, jello, creme brulee, oatmeal, etc)
  • Driving in Ft. Myers, FL (see my Florida Dreaming post)
  • Pine nuts
  • Hidden dangers (they are lurking everywhere, but where?)
  • Dentists
  • Public Speaking
  • this list could go on all day!

Of the Big Kahunas listed above, the fear that is foremost on my mind these days is stagnation. Not Changing. Not Moving.

Why stagnation? It’s taken a couple of days, but I finally came to the conclusion that the thought of waking up two (four, five, etc.) years from now doing the exact same routine that I’m doing now scares the shit out of me. Stagnation. It even sounds icky when you say it. That’s the ‘worry’ that is consuming my brain. It was a relief to finally figure out the crux of my melancholy that I’ve been feeling. What am I going to do about it? I’m not getting any younger!

Unfortunately for me, my fears of failure and financial ruin are not helping me in my quest to conquer my fear of stagnation. Egads, I’m in trouble.  On the scale from fearful (1) to fearless (10), I would say that my fear level is 4ish (not quite Monk) and I would like it to be a 7 or 8 (let’s be real, a 10 is just not in the cards!).  How do I get there? Is it even possible? 

I’ve been slowly working on this for the last four years. I finally started trying new things to help me get over my fear of not doing something perfectly the first time (this has always been a stumbling block for me).  I haven’t done anything mind-blowing like cage fighting or cliff diving, but here is a short recap:

  • Quit my full-time job without having anything else lined up (that was scary and very much unlike me)
  • Tried a kick boxing class and loved it! But, they eventually stopped offering it at my workout place :(.  I still have the pink gloves in the hopes that it will come back.
  • Took some oil painting classes last spring. This class was a small step in helping me get comfortable with not exuding perfection every time I try something new. My first, second, and third paintings are not that great and it’s okay. I can actually say this truthfully (that’s a big step for me).
  • Started a blog. Putting yourself out there is scary – I don’t do well with criticism. It’s been a great process for me and I’m getting more comfortable with being a little more “real” in my posts and accepting any comments that may come my way. However, in the spirit of full disclosure, the comments have been kind so my resolve has not really been tested.

These steps have been fine, but I feel like I’ve got to do something greater, bigger, different. I’ve had an idea swirling in my head since November, but it requires a lot of fearlessness. Where am I going to come up with all of this courage?

That is the million dollar question.

Leaders are visionaries with a poorly developed sense of fear and no concept of the odds against them.  They make the impossible happen.  – Dr. Robert Jarvik

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Bad, Mommy! Bad!

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I know that theoretically we have control over who can hurt us (I’m referring to verbal assaults, not physical ones), right? Isn’t there a quote to that speaks to that? Ah…..yes. Here it is:

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.  ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I really like that quote – I aspire to be that tough, but I find it very hard to control my reactions. I’m not strong that way. I admire those that have thick skin versus my papery thin epidermis. Most of the blame is rooted in my constant quest for perfectionism – the slightest bit of criticism can turn my insides into mush.  I try to act all tough on the outside and then I’m left with swirling thoughts about whatever the criticism was (direct or indirect).  I’ll do better next time. . . Wow, I should have known to do it that way. . . Your right, moms shouldn’t react that way…blah, blah….

Before we go any further, I want to emphatically state that I love all three of my children with everything I have and I would die for them (it sounds really sappy, but it’s the honest truth and must be stated for the record before we proceed).

Okay, today’s criticism that I “consented to” was bestowed upon me by the person that from this point forward will be known as the Self-Righteous One (SRO). SRO exists in one of the Jenni spheres of living. We (me, SRO, and one other inferior being) were discussing how I was “trapped” in the house last week (from Tuesday thru Thursday) with my kiddos – they had three and half days off from school due to Ice Storm 2011 (in hindsight, maybe trapped was a tad strong and I didn’t really feel trapped until the third day).

SRO:  Trapped?  Oh, you’re so funny!  I always LOVED staying at home with my kids when we had days like that….. blah, blah…..additional comments along this vein.

Me (consenting to criticism):  It was hard to get work done.  If I could have played games with them, it would have been easier to be home with them all day.

SRO:  Oh, I didn’t play games all day.  I always had other stuff to do.

Me (slinking away because I didn’t mean to imply that moms that stay home play games all day):  Oh, well, we survived (chuckle chuckle)!

Of course. the critique of my parenting was clear (and had witnesses) –  “What is wrong with you?” “Why don’t you enjoy being with your kids?”

Permission granted – my mind started racing, “What is wrong with me?  Why did I say trapped? Do I really feel trapped? What does that say about me? Am I not embracing motherhood like I should? Do my kids feel that I haven’t embraced motherhood? Do you have to completely give over your life to your kids to be the best mother possible?. 

Then, I started getting mad at myself for letting SRO make me crazy and then I started getting mad at SRO for being such a self-righteous @#$%!  I wish I my brain wouldn’t even register comments like that – like a robot.  I need Eleanor whispering in my ear “Nobody can make you feel like shit unless you let them!” (I’m paraphrasing now). 

Moms are the hardest on other moms – why is that? At one of our breakfasts, we were talking about this phenomenon because in the news we had the Tiger Mom and also a post on the Today Show’s Mom Blog by Mayim Bialik (Blossom) about “Attachment Parenting”.  I’m sure everyone has read an article or has seen an interview with the Tiger Mom since she has been out promoting her book.  Attachment parenting (this term is NOT endorsed by those that practice it – I just don’t know what else to call it) may not be familar to you. It wasn’t familiar to me and I learned something new by reading Mayim’s post.

One seems too hard and the other one seems too soft – two ends of the parenting spectrum. They have both hit a nerve (read the comments on Mayim’s post!).

Neither of these styles of parenting seems to fit my personality. So, I guess I will stick with my Control Freak, non-Attachment, Give me Peace (sometimes), Worry Wart style of parenting. So far so good, – no serial killers (however, it may be too early to tell), good grades had by all, polite kids (with some minor attitude flare-ups),  AND all three of them will still be seen in public with us! 

I just need to remember Eleanor 🙂

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Florida Dreaming

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I missed my Weekly Post in the WordPress Post-A-Week Challenge this week (it was due Monday) – Shoot!  But, I did have a good excuse – I was in Ft. Myers with My Gals for our “Moms Gone Wild” long weekend! What would I do without my gal pals?  I think I would be a hot mess without ’em. (One of my gal pals laughs when I use the word gal because she thinks I’m not old enough to use that word yet. Are you giggly yet, Ti? I’ve used it 4x already!). 

Woot! It was A LOT of fun. I love those trips – they really rejuvenate my spirit. That sounds really hokey, but I’m not sure how else to describe it. I feel like I can do anything when I get back.  And, then the reality of life hits (especially when you come home to Ice Storm 2011)! Ah. . .  vacations are for dreaming.

The picture in this post is actually of Naples – we went there for the day.  The beach is SOOOO pretty. Shopping around in Naples that evening made me feel young – even at 46, we seemed to be some of the youngest gals there. 

So, what did we do and what did we discuss while on our wild weekend? We did very little, ate wonderful food and talked A LOT!

Retirement:

Of course, being in Florida with all of the silver hair and silver cars got us talking about retirement. What are our plans? Would we be snowbirds? It seems 75% of the group is looking forward to being snowbirds. I told them that I didn’t think that would be in our future for a lot of reasons, but mainly because my husband LOVES Fall.  They don’t seem to have Fall in Florida. I’m also having a hard time picturing that time in my life at this point since it’s probably 20-25 years away. Let’s be honest, I’m having trouble picturing my life even 3 years from now.

It does seem that by retiring to Florida, you could be taking your life into your hands. The driving there was the worst driving that I’ve personally experienced anywhere.  While in their invisible silver cars, the snowbirds don’t stay in their lanes, they cross lanes without warning and they speed like crazy (and some of them may actually be asleep)! I may not have the proper constitution to be a snowbird.

Getting “Work” Done:

This is a topic that’s in the news All. Of. The. Time!  Why did it come up on vacation? Well, because we watched the Housewives of Beverly Hills during our stay – the topic is hard to avoid while watching this show. It seems that nothing on/in these women is natural any longer. I hate the pressure put on us (even regular housewives) to have procedures to keep us youthful looking. Would I commit to never getting anything done?  I’m not sure I can say that, but I’m really not planning on it. Surgeries of any kind scare me and I’m afraid of the slippery slope effect.

Other topics:

Kids:  Duh!  They make us crazy (which is why we briefly run away), but we still love ’em.  So, we confer with and console each other in order to provide reassurance that our kids aren’t the only ones that talk like they are possessed, have trouble following instructions, or act like they will never manage to care for themselves as they get older.

Husbands:  Similar to the kids topic above – they make us crazy, but we can’t live without them.  Mike doesn’t usually talk like he’s possessed or have trouble following directions (depends if he sees them as valid or not).  And, I’m hoping that he will be able to take care of himself as he gets older!

Movies:  We watched the worst movie all of us had ever seen – Sex in the City 2.  The series was so ground-breaking and entertaining.  The movie, not so much.  It would take too long to explain how bad this movie was. If you haven’t seen it and had it on your list as a ‘must see’, erase it and replace it with another movie. I’m saving you 2 hours and 26 minutes of your life that I can never get back.

I wish we had had one more day of fun in the sun, but our houses were falling apart without us (okay, maybe not falling apart, but you get the idea).  They needed us home!

Here’s to mini-escapes that keep us sane!

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My Love-Hate Relationship with Procrastination (maybe just hate)

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Procrastination. I hate this word.  Really. I know everyone does it. My kids are really good at it. I hate it when I do it.  

 I know my excuse – I’m a perfectionist (which is a serious illness). What is your excuse?

What are the items on the Procrastination List? Well, a lot of things. But, I did finally tackle the big one on my list – the family vacation we are taking this summer.  The hubby has always had this dream to take the fam damnly on a trek out West.  You know, Griswold-style.  However, Wally World is not our destination – the destination is our country’s National Parks!

Why did I procrastinate on this particular project? It’s an 11-day “get-a-way” that includes multiple stops, multiple routes and maps, sight-seeing decisions, etc. It was so daunting and overwhelming to me. And, I was not excited about changing hotels every other night – packing and unpacking, etc.  What finally got me started on this project was my husband telling me that he was freaking out about my lack of planning and interest in this huge opportunity for family fun.

Whoa, I didn’t want to be the fun-sucker on vacation (I do that enough on a day-to-day basis). Finally, I confessed that I was afraid of his expectations for this family trek – his parents used to go on these 3 week long driving pilgrimages staying in a new location every other night with extensive itineraries, etc. He assured me that he was not thinking along that vein. Relief!

It took an entire day, but we did it!  We have a budget, all of our accommodations booked, and some awesome activities planned.  Now that it’s done, I’m excited! Why did I fear this task so??

Here is our itinerary:

Day 1:  Hellish 12-hour day of driving to get to BFE, MN

Days 2-4:  Another long day of driving, but we reach our destination:  Rapid City, SD.  We will be staying here for 3 nights and visiting Mt. Rushmore, the Badlands National Park, Black Hills National Forest and possibly checking out the Corn Palace.  I’m especially stoked about seeing Mt. Rushmore!!!

Day 5:  Driving from Rapid City, SD to our next stop, Estes Park, CO.

Days 6-8:  Hanging out in Estes Park; visiting Rocky Mountain National Park. The place we are staying is on a river where my husband can try out his new fly fishing gear and looks fantastically relaxing.

Day 9:  Hellish 12-hour day of driving to Kansas City, MO.  Just a stop, not a destination.

Day 10:  Short 5 hour drive to St. Louis, MO.  We are taking our kids to the Gateway Arch – the “Gateway to the West”!

Day 11:  We are homeward bound.

It will be EPIC! However, we are not making any stops to pick up Aunt Edna so we won’t have to worry about toting a dead aunt on top of the mini van 🙂

Okay, here are the remaining items on my Procrastination List:

1.  My bio for my boss’s new web site.  What do I put down?  It’s not really that interesting.  Why am I in health insurance?  I’m not sure – it just happened.  I definitely did not plan this as a career – I was a math major!  I can’t put this one off much longer – it was due today.

2.  Various Doc visits – annual visit, colonoscopy (dad, I swear – I’ll call tomorrow), mammogram, daughter’s eye exam, my eye exam.  This is another day of just calling people – I don’t have time for that! Buuutt, these are important visits and I just need to do it.

3.  Call the Carpet Cleaners

4.  Start my running program again.  What the hell is wrong with me ?  I did so well (almost 30 minutes straight!) and then the flu.  Now, I’m starting over again, but not quite yet.  Just Do It!

Okay, first thing tomorrow morning, I’m going to cross items #1-4 off of the Procrastination List!  Or maybe next week…..

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New Year’s Resolution: Post a Week Challenge

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If you’ve read my prior post, you know that one of my 2011 resolutions is to be more consistent in posting and to write more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m actually going to join the WordPress “Post a Week Challenge”.  I will be posting on this blog at least once a week for all of 2011.

They also have a “Post a Day Challenge” but I know my schedule and know that I would be setting myself up for failure.  Why the hell would I do that?!   Blogging should not add stress to my life.  It’s supposed to be fun!

If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way!

Wish me luck!