I’m Back. I think.

Well, it’s been awhile. Is anyone still out there? Is anyone reading this? If you’re still out there and reading my blog, thank you.

This blog has been on my mind for awhile. Why did I start it? Why did I stop it? I can’t even really answer the first question so we’ll go to the second question – I was diagnosed with breast cancer on June 24, 2013. That diagnosis sent me into a black hole. I just didn’t function like I used to and lost interest in everything. That is the answer to question #2.

I was released from care last summer (5 year mark) and still no interest in blogging until recently. Until today.

As I was heading into to town today for lunch, I saw an older woman (70+) wearing waders and holding a stabbing device (like a spear) along the side of a creek. She was wading into the bustling creek with purpose. I started wondering what was she looking for? There can’t be edible-sized fish in there, right? Was she looking for frogs? Maybe for her grandchild’s terrarium? Or for eating later? I’m still wondering. Still. Wondering.

As I was driving back to the house after lunch (two hours later), I became struck by another scene. This new scene occurred by the same bustling creek where I had earlier witnessed the woman with the spear. I saw two young boys (maybe 9 & 6), a large toy John Deere truck and a grandma-type person. Both of the boys were wearing rain boots and had clearly been creek-stomping. The younger boy was holding the grandma’s hand and was dragging her along the creek toward the older boy.  The older boy was pushing the toy truck with water sloshing over the sides toward the grandma and the younger boy. This all seemed normal to me until I noticed grandma carrying a sledge hammer in her left hand while holding the younger boy’s hand with her right. Did the boys catch something that needed a beating? What was in the truck sloshing around? A frog? A chipmunk? A lizard? A squirrel? A snake? Did any of those animals require a beating? 

I can’t stop thinking about it. When I’m a grandma will I be called forth to carry a sledge hammer? I surely hope not.

Did She Work Here?

Wow, this is a shocking story – Woman Dies at Desk but Nobody Notices.

This headline caught my eye. This is crazy, right? What does this say about us as a society? Didn’t anyone tell her to have a good weekend? Not to work too late? Or, invite her out for an after-work cocktail?

I haven’t really thought about dying much, but I definitely don’t want to be found at my desk. Where would I want to be discovered? Haven’t thought about that one either, but my place of employment is at the bottom of the list.

A security guard found her the next day around 1:00pm.  She was only 51 years old and had just become a grandma  the week before – so sad! She is just 6 years older than me. wow, wow, wow. . .

Is that how she would have wanted to be remembered? Remembered as the person that died at her desk? I seriously doubt it.

This got me thinking about how I would like to be remembered. Since I haven’t really given this much thought, my feelings regarding this are fuzzy and unclear. I obviously want to be well thought of in the spouse, mother, daughter, friend, sister departments. Would there be anything else? Hmmmm…… I’ll have to get back with you on this one.

When I saw her age, it really struck me. Life is crazy, fleeting, and unexpected. If there is something I really want to do, I better start working on it. 

What am I waiting for?

link to photo