Tag Archives: postaweek2011

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Bad, Mommy! Bad!

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I know that theoretically we have control over who can hurt us (I’m referring to verbal assaults, not physical ones), right? Isn’t there a quote to that speaks to that? Ah…..yes. Here it is:

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.  ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I really like that quote – I aspire to be that tough, but I find it very hard to control my reactions. I’m not strong that way. I admire those that have thick skin versus my papery thin epidermis. Most of the blame is rooted in my constant quest for perfectionism – the slightest bit of criticism can turn my insides into mush.  I try to act all tough on the outside and then I’m left with swirling thoughts about whatever the criticism was (direct or indirect).  I’ll do better next time. . . Wow, I should have known to do it that way. . . Your right, moms shouldn’t react that way…blah, blah….

Before we go any further, I want to emphatically state that I love all three of my children with everything I have and I would die for them (it sounds really sappy, but it’s the honest truth and must be stated for the record before we proceed).

Okay, today’s criticism that I “consented to” was bestowed upon me by the person that from this point forward will be known as the Self-Righteous One (SRO). SRO exists in one of the Jenni spheres of living. We (me, SRO, and one other inferior being) were discussing how I was “trapped” in the house last week (from Tuesday thru Thursday) with my kiddos – they had three and half days off from school due to Ice Storm 2011 (in hindsight, maybe trapped was a tad strong and I didn’t really feel trapped until the third day).

SRO:  Trapped?  Oh, you’re so funny!  I always LOVED staying at home with my kids when we had days like that….. blah, blah…..additional comments along this vein.

Me (consenting to criticism):  It was hard to get work done.  If I could have played games with them, it would have been easier to be home with them all day.

SRO:  Oh, I didn’t play games all day.  I always had other stuff to do.

Me (slinking away because I didn’t mean to imply that moms that stay home play games all day):  Oh, well, we survived (chuckle chuckle)!

Of course. the critique of my parenting was clear (and had witnesses) –  “What is wrong with you?” “Why don’t you enjoy being with your kids?”

Permission granted – my mind started racing, “What is wrong with me?  Why did I say trapped? Do I really feel trapped? What does that say about me? Am I not embracing motherhood like I should? Do my kids feel that I haven’t embraced motherhood? Do you have to completely give over your life to your kids to be the best mother possible?. 

Then, I started getting mad at myself for letting SRO make me crazy and then I started getting mad at SRO for being such a self-righteous @#$%!  I wish I my brain wouldn’t even register comments like that – like a robot.  I need Eleanor whispering in my ear “Nobody can make you feel like shit unless you let them!” (I’m paraphrasing now). 

Moms are the hardest on other moms – why is that? At one of our breakfasts, we were talking about this phenomenon because in the news we had the Tiger Mom and also a post on the Today Show’s Mom Blog by Mayim Bialik (Blossom) about “Attachment Parenting”.  I’m sure everyone has read an article or has seen an interview with the Tiger Mom since she has been out promoting her book.  Attachment parenting (this term is NOT endorsed by those that practice it – I just don’t know what else to call it) may not be familar to you. It wasn’t familiar to me and I learned something new by reading Mayim’s post.

One seems too hard and the other one seems too soft – two ends of the parenting spectrum. They have both hit a nerve (read the comments on Mayim’s post!).

Neither of these styles of parenting seems to fit my personality. So, I guess I will stick with my Control Freak, non-Attachment, Give me Peace (sometimes), Worry Wart style of parenting. So far so good, – no serial killers (however, it may be too early to tell), good grades had by all, polite kids (with some minor attitude flare-ups),  AND all three of them will still be seen in public with us! 

I just need to remember Eleanor 🙂

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Florida Dreaming

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I missed my Weekly Post in the WordPress Post-A-Week Challenge this week (it was due Monday) – Shoot!  But, I did have a good excuse – I was in Ft. Myers with My Gals for our “Moms Gone Wild” long weekend! What would I do without my gal pals?  I think I would be a hot mess without ’em. (One of my gal pals laughs when I use the word gal because she thinks I’m not old enough to use that word yet. Are you giggly yet, Ti? I’ve used it 4x already!). 

Woot! It was A LOT of fun. I love those trips – they really rejuvenate my spirit. That sounds really hokey, but I’m not sure how else to describe it. I feel like I can do anything when I get back.  And, then the reality of life hits (especially when you come home to Ice Storm 2011)! Ah. . .  vacations are for dreaming.

The picture in this post is actually of Naples – we went there for the day.  The beach is SOOOO pretty. Shopping around in Naples that evening made me feel young – even at 46, we seemed to be some of the youngest gals there. 

So, what did we do and what did we discuss while on our wild weekend? We did very little, ate wonderful food and talked A LOT!

Retirement:

Of course, being in Florida with all of the silver hair and silver cars got us talking about retirement. What are our plans? Would we be snowbirds? It seems 75% of the group is looking forward to being snowbirds. I told them that I didn’t think that would be in our future for a lot of reasons, but mainly because my husband LOVES Fall.  They don’t seem to have Fall in Florida. I’m also having a hard time picturing that time in my life at this point since it’s probably 20-25 years away. Let’s be honest, I’m having trouble picturing my life even 3 years from now.

It does seem that by retiring to Florida, you could be taking your life into your hands. The driving there was the worst driving that I’ve personally experienced anywhere.  While in their invisible silver cars, the snowbirds don’t stay in their lanes, they cross lanes without warning and they speed like crazy (and some of them may actually be asleep)! I may not have the proper constitution to be a snowbird.

Getting “Work” Done:

This is a topic that’s in the news All. Of. The. Time!  Why did it come up on vacation? Well, because we watched the Housewives of Beverly Hills during our stay – the topic is hard to avoid while watching this show. It seems that nothing on/in these women is natural any longer. I hate the pressure put on us (even regular housewives) to have procedures to keep us youthful looking. Would I commit to never getting anything done?  I’m not sure I can say that, but I’m really not planning on it. Surgeries of any kind scare me and I’m afraid of the slippery slope effect.

Other topics:

Kids:  Duh!  They make us crazy (which is why we briefly run away), but we still love ’em.  So, we confer with and console each other in order to provide reassurance that our kids aren’t the only ones that talk like they are possessed, have trouble following instructions, or act like they will never manage to care for themselves as they get older.

Husbands:  Similar to the kids topic above – they make us crazy, but we can’t live without them.  Mike doesn’t usually talk like he’s possessed or have trouble following directions (depends if he sees them as valid or not).  And, I’m hoping that he will be able to take care of himself as he gets older!

Movies:  We watched the worst movie all of us had ever seen – Sex in the City 2.  The series was so ground-breaking and entertaining.  The movie, not so much.  It would take too long to explain how bad this movie was. If you haven’t seen it and had it on your list as a ‘must see’, erase it and replace it with another movie. I’m saving you 2 hours and 26 minutes of your life that I can never get back.

I wish we had had one more day of fun in the sun, but our houses were falling apart without us (okay, maybe not falling apart, but you get the idea).  They needed us home!

Here’s to mini-escapes that keep us sane!

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My Love-Hate Relationship with Procrastination (maybe just hate)

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Procrastination. I hate this word.  Really. I know everyone does it. My kids are really good at it. I hate it when I do it.  

 I know my excuse – I’m a perfectionist (which is a serious illness). What is your excuse?

What are the items on the Procrastination List? Well, a lot of things. But, I did finally tackle the big one on my list – the family vacation we are taking this summer.  The hubby has always had this dream to take the fam damnly on a trek out West.  You know, Griswold-style.  However, Wally World is not our destination – the destination is our country’s National Parks!

Why did I procrastinate on this particular project? It’s an 11-day “get-a-way” that includes multiple stops, multiple routes and maps, sight-seeing decisions, etc. It was so daunting and overwhelming to me. And, I was not excited about changing hotels every other night – packing and unpacking, etc.  What finally got me started on this project was my husband telling me that he was freaking out about my lack of planning and interest in this huge opportunity for family fun.

Whoa, I didn’t want to be the fun-sucker on vacation (I do that enough on a day-to-day basis). Finally, I confessed that I was afraid of his expectations for this family trek – his parents used to go on these 3 week long driving pilgrimages staying in a new location every other night with extensive itineraries, etc. He assured me that he was not thinking along that vein. Relief!

It took an entire day, but we did it!  We have a budget, all of our accommodations booked, and some awesome activities planned.  Now that it’s done, I’m excited! Why did I fear this task so??

Here is our itinerary:

Day 1:  Hellish 12-hour day of driving to get to BFE, MN

Days 2-4:  Another long day of driving, but we reach our destination:  Rapid City, SD.  We will be staying here for 3 nights and visiting Mt. Rushmore, the Badlands National Park, Black Hills National Forest and possibly checking out the Corn Palace.  I’m especially stoked about seeing Mt. Rushmore!!!

Day 5:  Driving from Rapid City, SD to our next stop, Estes Park, CO.

Days 6-8:  Hanging out in Estes Park; visiting Rocky Mountain National Park. The place we are staying is on a river where my husband can try out his new fly fishing gear and looks fantastically relaxing.

Day 9:  Hellish 12-hour day of driving to Kansas City, MO.  Just a stop, not a destination.

Day 10:  Short 5 hour drive to St. Louis, MO.  We are taking our kids to the Gateway Arch – the “Gateway to the West”!

Day 11:  We are homeward bound.

It will be EPIC! However, we are not making any stops to pick up Aunt Edna so we won’t have to worry about toting a dead aunt on top of the mini van 🙂

Okay, here are the remaining items on my Procrastination List:

1.  My bio for my boss’s new web site.  What do I put down?  It’s not really that interesting.  Why am I in health insurance?  I’m not sure – it just happened.  I definitely did not plan this as a career – I was a math major!  I can’t put this one off much longer – it was due today.

2.  Various Doc visits – annual visit, colonoscopy (dad, I swear – I’ll call tomorrow), mammogram, daughter’s eye exam, my eye exam.  This is another day of just calling people – I don’t have time for that! Buuutt, these are important visits and I just need to do it.

3.  Call the Carpet Cleaners

4.  Start my running program again.  What the hell is wrong with me ?  I did so well (almost 30 minutes straight!) and then the flu.  Now, I’m starting over again, but not quite yet.  Just Do It!

Okay, first thing tomorrow morning, I’m going to cross items #1-4 off of the Procrastination List!  Or maybe next week…..

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New Year’s Resolution: Post a Week Challenge

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If you’ve read my prior post, you know that one of my 2011 resolutions is to be more consistent in posting and to write more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m actually going to join the WordPress “Post a Week Challenge”.  I will be posting on this blog at least once a week for all of 2011.

They also have a “Post a Day Challenge” but I know my schedule and know that I would be setting myself up for failure.  Why the hell would I do that?!   Blogging should not add stress to my life.  It’s supposed to be fun!

If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way!

Wish me luck!