Tag Archives: postaweek2011

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A Boy and His Hair

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My son thought I should write a blog post about his big transformation that occurred yesterday. So, here it is. He went from a pre-teen-Bieber-look back to the little-boy-look.

 Before

 

 

Haircuts these days are getting tough on me. Why in the world would haircuts be tough? Because of my worrier personality, my brain is constantly spiraling out of control (I know I’m not the only one out there). Watching Jack sit in the big chair getting his hair buzzed allowed me to drift off into my own little world (which can be a scary place sometimes!). My mind starts the usual rambling, one thought leading to another (kind of like the book, If You Give a Moose a Muffin. Do you know that book?).

It went something like this…..wow, look at all that hair, I’m glad he’s getting it buzzed, how long will he let me make his hair decisions?, will this be the last haircut where I have a say?, I can’t believe he will be in junior high next year, whoa Maddie will be a freshman and Rachel will be a senior, when will my boy stop holding my hand in public?, who am I kidding – that will stop this year, will he stay the same sweet, loving boy?, will he be as challenging as the girls were in junior high?, will he be okay in junior high?, where did the time go?, I’m glad he still looks little boyish with the buzz cut, how long will that last?, when will Jack get his growth spurt?, how will Jack handle Rachel going to college?, how will Maddie handle it?, how will I handle it?, what am I going to do when the kids are slowly leaving the house?, what am I going to do with myself and my bigass family-schedule wall calendar when I have no one to organize?, …….

And, then, gratefully, the haircut was over. He hopped out of the chair, I paid the barber and then gave my boy a B-I-G hug like he was leaving for college the next day. He looked at me like, “huh?”. Then two seconds later, I got the super big grin (love that grin).

Whew! I exhaust myself.  

He will be turning 11 soon and will be entering junior high as a 6th grader. He’s my baby and I will probably cry harder the first day of school in August 2011 than any other 1st day of school (even harder than when I drove my oldest to school on her first day of 1st grade – back then I thought that was the beginning of the end of the “baby” years.).

I was wrong. The 2011-2012 school year will be the official end of the “baby” years for the Engledows. My youngest will be entering junior high, my middle one will be a freshman at the high school and my oldest will be a senior in high school.  – waaaahhhhh!-

I know that these are just more milestones in our lives that can’t be avoided (like turning 40). They just need to be embraced. For me these milestones will be harder to embrace than the typical ones we encounter at the beginning of our lives – getting a driver’s license, graduating from high school, turning 21, graduating from college, getting your first job, getting your first apartment, getting married, buying your first house, starting a family….

All of these early milestones are about adding to our lives in some way (gaining freedom, independence, adding family) and I chased those down as fast as time would allow – I couldn’t wait!

The ones I’m beginning to experience now seem to be about letting go and that’s a weird feeling. I’m definitely not running toward these dang things – these milestones will be dragging me by my hair, while I’m kicking and screaming the entire way.

But, as people will tell me, “It’s a part of life and there’s no reason to dwell on it and make yourself crazy.”

Of course, they (dad) are absolutely right and I’ll get to work on that straight away. It’s always a work in progress for me.

Good-bye, baby years….

Unknown's avatar

Happy 1st Blogaversary to Me!

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March 11, 2010, I posted my first online “musing”. I just finished reading it (again) – I haven’t read it since last March when I first posted it.

Have I made any progress in training my brain to think like an easy-going, non-worrying, glass half full person? I don’t think so, but I am my own worst critic. However, if I asked the hubby or my friends (the people in my life I count on to be honest with me) I would think that they would concur. I guess I’ll have to take a poll! I’ll get back to you on that one.

Have I made any big “What If?” changes in my life? – not really. I’m still a chicken-shit at heart. Changing a chicken-shit into a brave soul is really quite a feat. This will be an ongoing, long process.

Why did I decide to start blogging? I was reading a friend of mine’s blog. I loved it and it inspired me (She hasn’t been on it in a while, but I’m waiting for her to come back to it). You should check it out. I really, really enjoy her writing.

Her blog got me thinking, “What if I started a blog? What would it be about? Me? My family? Would anyone read it? Do I care if anyone reads it? What if I do care and no one reads it?, etc., etc.”

There I was analyzing the idea to death in the usual Jenni-fashion. I told myself to shut up and just do it. So, I did.

Blogging has been really great fun. I’ve made some really nice blog friends – I’ve never met these individuals, but I feel as though I know them through their writing. They are the ones that comment the most frequently on my posts and remind me that someone is actually reading what I’m dishing out!

They are:

Shouts from the Abyss

Punch it in!

Perpetually Peeved

Living Dilbert

Recovering Dawn

Writing has been a really good exercise for me – it has really made me think. So. .  . .I’ve been thinking a lot. 

Wait! Maybe it’s not a good thing…I think I’ve turned into a little bit of a daydreamer (What am I thinking about?Everything). That’s not good – daydreaming is not very productive. One of my traits is having the ability to hyperfocus – it seems to be slipping. Shoot!

Any who,what was I talking about? Oh yeah! What was my most popular post?  The one that described our Bed Bug Adventure last spring. This was a couple of months before bed bugs became a big news item (we were ahead of our time!).

My second most popular post has been my first one – Thoughts on “What If?”.  I find that somewhat interesting. I guess I’m not the only one out there wondering what the heck we are supposed to be doing here.

Well, I am definitely looking forward to my next year in blogging about this, that and the other thing. I hope you are looking forward to reading about it!

image source

Unknown's avatar

What Keeps Me up at Night?

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WordPress Post A Week 2011 topic suggestion #56: 

What keeps me up at night?

Ummm…it might be easier to list the things that don’t keep me up at night:

  • Tornadoes – it’s a good thing the hubby is a light sleeper
  • The dog barking
  • Wondering who got kicked off American Idol – our family is Idoled out.
  • Wondering if my husband will like the dusty purple paint color I have picked for our kitchen. He will love it as soon as he sees it.
  • What I’m going to fix for dinner this week
  • Wondering about the Kardashians and how they are doing in New York
  • My awesome kids – they are really good ones!
  • My awesome hubby – 20 years this year. I got a great one!
  • If Charlie Sheen will get his kids back

Okay, the stuff that does keeps me up at night, here we go:

  • Paying for college beginning in the Fall of 2012
  • Money in general – Are we saving enough? What do our retirement accounts look like? What if we have a medical emergency? Are we too much in debt?
  • What I’m going to do with myself going forward
  • Worrying about my driving daughter when she is out
  • What disaster is lurking around the corner that would cause one of us to lose our jobs
  • I really need to exercise more – how can I make a routine?
  • Do we need new windows? If so, how do we pay for them?
  • The Middle East – I’ve got to stop watching the news! (I don’t want gas prices to hinder our trek across America this summer. Plus, will Khaddafy (sp?) do chemical warfare on his own people?)
  • One of my daughters’ math grade (shall remain unnamed).
  • If my husband’s company will continue doing well (I should leave that worry to the hubs).
  • Dexter – Maddie’s bird. Poor thing.
  • My boy’s baby teeth – they just aren’t falling out on their own.  What is up with that? Will we have to have them pulled? How much will that cost?
  • Losing our Health Insurance
  • How we are going to avoid Bed Bugs when we go on our vacation
  • Blah, Blah…..

There is no rhyme or reason to what makes the list.  Once I get it in my head, it won’t go away unless it gets resolved. As you can tell from the list, most of these items are just ongoing thoughts that I can’t really do anything about and most will remain unresolved!

Well, they just had to ask, didn’t they?!

How do people keep these thoughts from swirling around in their heads all of the time? Late at night it’s just me and my swirling thoughts.

I will say that once I do get to sleep (I generally stay up too late), it’s like raising the dead in the morning. My husband laughs because I hit the snooze exactly 3 times every morning and then I get up.

How do you calm the mind?

Unknown's avatar

Hidden Talent, Where Are You?

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Since I’m part of the Post A Week Challenge on WordPress, I regularly receive emails with topic suggestions for posts. 

Here is Topic #59:

What’s your hidden talent? Also included were these follow-up questions: What is the skill or ability you have people are always surprised to learn you possess? What hidden talent do you wish you had?

Hidden Talent. Powerful words.

I usually read the suggestion and then toss it. But, this one has been really bugging me and so, it’s still hanging out in my inbox. Why?

I’ve been mulling this one over and over. I don’t think I have a hidden talent. Does everyone have one and I missed out?

I can’t sing like Susan Boyle (my kids will attest to that!).

I’m not really that creative or artistic. My artistic claim to fame was drawing elephants on my notebooks in junior high.

I can’t balance a lawnmower on my chin (I saw someone do this on Ellen!).

I don’t really have fashion sense so I can’t design the next “pajama jean”.

I can’t play any musical instrument except maybe the recorder (I bet I can still do Hot Cross Buns). Not really a “talent” since every kid in elementary school can do this.

I can cook, but it’s not hidden.

I can organize anything and anyone to death, but again, not hidden and  not a “talent”.

I can do the daily Indy Star crossword puzzle in about 13 minutes (my personal best). (impressive, right?)

I can fold fitted sheets like nobody’s business (thanks, mom!).

Because I am a TV hound, I can recall obscure actors and actresses names. Not really sure this is all that unique.

 Maybe….

I installed our new kitchen disposal and saved us $600.  Is that a talent?

Seriously, though, I think my 4-year mid-life crisis (4-yr anniversary is this April. You’re wondering about the start date. I’ll get to that.) has been all about finding my hidden talent and I haven’t found it yet.  You’d think after this long, it would have revealed itself by now. Maybe I’m looking too hard.

Okay, the start date of my mid-life crisis?  How can it have a start date? Well, it was the day that I quit my full-time job. When working at this crazy job, I didn’t have time to contemplate my life or what I would be doing down the road. I was just trying to get through the day: wake up, take kids to daycare, work, pick up kids from daycare (and when older, take them to practice of some sort), fix dinner, help with any homework, watch some TV, talk to family, do more work, go to bed….. you get the idea.

When I finally got the time to stop and think about what I really wanted to do (4 yrs ago), I literally locked up. “What the hell am I going to do?” I’d been going 100 mph for so long, I didn’t really have time to find my passion or time to discover my hidden talent (if it’s there).  Yoo hoo, hidden talent, come on out!

Well, I’m still here trying to figure it out. But, in the meantime, I’m still doing insurance (on a part-time basis). Not really the big switch I had fantasized about.

Maybe I need to enter the acceptance stage of this pursuit and come to grips with the fact that I may not have a hidden talent. At least one that I can use to blaze a new path for myself at this point in my life. 

Nah, I’m not completely ready to throw in the towel just yet. The one thought that keeps me focused on my pursuit is that I don’t want to be the old lady in the office that they keep around only because she is the vessel of knowledge of all of those that had gone on before her (you know, the office “tribal elder” that knows how to do everything).

I’ll just have to keep trying and be patient…..

Unknown's avatar

The Breast Food I’ve Ever Eaten

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Recently I came across a headline in my twitter feed that really made me do a double-take.  The topic of breast milk wasn’t the eye-catching part. It’s what’s being done with the breast milk: cheese and ice cream.

Breast Milk Ice Cream A Hit At London Store

Excerpt from the article (to read on the entire article, click on the title):

The rare offering proved a hit with customers at the Covent Garden store — the first batch sold out within days of being introduced. A serving of Baby Gaga, which is reportedly flavored with vanilla and lemon zest, goes for 14 pounds — or about $22.50.

In an interview for British TV, store founder Matt O’Connor says, “It’s pure, it’s natural, it’s organic, and it’s free range — and if it’s good enough for our kids, it’s good enough to use in our ice cream.

The U.S. FDA is a bit leery of using “donor human milk.” On its website, it explains why:

Risks for the baby include exposure to infectious diseases, including HIV, to chemical contaminants, such as some illegal drugs, and to a limited number of prescription drugs that might be in the human milk, if the donor has not been adequately screened. In addition, if human milk is not handled and stored properly, it could, like any type of milk, become contaminated and unsafe to drink.

The reference to “free range” is funny.

Underneath the ice cream article there was a link to the article shown below due to the similar topic so I had to click on it.

Chef Dishes Up Breast-Milk Cheese (March 2010)

Excerpt from the article (to read the entire article, click on the title):

When Angerer posted a recipe for “My Spouse’s Mommy’s Milk Cheese” on his blog, customers began calling his eatery begging for a taste. So he began offering an appetizer of breast-milk cheese with figs and Hungarian pepper at Klee Brasserie. While response has been generally positive, Angerer and Mason admit the dish has been a decided turnoff to some.

“I think a lot of the criticism has to do with the combination of sex and cheese,” Mason told the New York Post. “But the breast is there to make food.”

The ice cream article said that women answered an internet ad and that they used the breast milk of 15 women. Did they specifically need 15 or was that how many answered the ad? How much breast milk is needed to make how much ice cream? The article didn’t say. 

I would be curious as to why these women were compelled to answer the ad. Are they being compensated? What would be adequate compensation? Free ice cream? That might have made me think twice – ice cream is one food that I can’t live without or resist.

There are SO many questions – way too many to list in this post.

The article about the cheese said that the chef used 2 gallons of his wife’s breast milk to make some cheese. Whoa there! TWO gallons?! How long did that take? I can’t even imagine.

How much cheese did this produce? The article didn’t say. But, according to some cheese recipes online, 2 gallons of milk will make about 1.5 lbs of cheese (I think I did the math correctly). That seems like a lot of work for 1.5 lbs of cheese.

What do you think about these articles? I’m not sure what to think. The concept does have a “eewww” factor for me, why? Is it the “combination of sex and cheese” like the cheese article implies? I don’t think that’s it. The FDA statement in the ice cream article does list some valid concerns.

The one thing that I’m certain of is that I would never pay $22.50 for a serving of ice cream – I don’t care what’s in it.

Would any of you sample the “Mommy’s Milk Cheese” or the “Baby Gaga” ice cream?

 

Unknown's avatar

Heeerrree’s Johnny!

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If you’ve read the story of our traumatic Monday, then you’re familiar with the loss of a dear family member, Jahmal. In the days since we took Dexter to the vet and recently called Birdie 911 for Jahmal, I’ve learned more about parakeets than I thought I would ever learn in my lifetime.

I’ve learned that:

~They also go by the term ‘Budgie’.

~They get incurable liver disease.

~You can’t 100% tell the gender of the bird without a $40 blood test (apparently they have no obvious differences, if you know what I mean ). Yeah, like I’m going to terrorize the human Engledows and the avian Engledows for that detail!

~You can make a reasonable assumption on the gender of the bird by looking at its beak. If there is blue across the “bridge of the nose” so-to-speak, then the bird is male. If that area is brown, it’s female.  The Bird Vet said that the beak test is not 100% accurate due to in-breeding and such, but it’s used as a reliable indicator of gender.

~Their beaks and claws grow like finger nails and need trimmed if they have incurable liver disease (otherwise, good grooming materials in the cage for healthy birds takes care of that problem).

~If they’re sick, they won’t display it until it’s critical and too late. It’s ‘Survival of the Fittest’ – the weakest birds get eaten in the wild (Where on the planet are there wild budgies? Rain Forest?). So, saving a sick bird seems highly unlikely given that info. When talking to the Bird Vet, I jokingly said, “So what would you have done for our bird? CPR?”. She answered in the affirmative – if it’s warranted, they’ll do it. I’m still trying to picture that one.

To help my Miss Maddie get over her sadness, we went to the pet store to get a new buddy for Dexter. They had yellow/green ones (we already had one like that!), so we went for the bluish ones. Since we were limited to males (why? Dexter is male and I don’t know nuthin’ about birthin’ no baby birdies!), we used the beak test to pick out likely candidates. There were really only two options (they had a lot of females!). There was a low-key one, just hanging out not bothering anyone and then there was this crazy one, picking on the girls, biting on others’ tails. Maddie opted for the low-key one considering that Dexter is sickly and on his way out. It wouldn’t be fair to choose a cage-mate that would literally torture him until his dying day.

Our newest addtion is adjusting to his new home nicely – he has started chirping (we were a little worried about his silence) and he and Dex seem to be buds now.

The picture in this post is of Dexter (flying off) and our new blue budgie, John.  John?

I said to Maddie, “You went from Jahmal to John?”

Maddie, “I like John.”

Well, that’s that! Welcome to the Engledow family, John!

 

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Lessons in Death

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It’s been a while since we had a really bad day in the Engledow house. If you keep up on my posts, you will know that my middle daughter worked us over for months to get a parakeet (aka budgie). So, we eventually gave in and welcomed two new buddies into our house in December – Jahmal & Dexter (see pic to the left). Jahmal is the blue and white one and Dexter is the yellow and green one.

When I went on my “Mom’s Gone Wild” weekend in Florida last month, I received a text from Maddie telling me that Dexter had been diagnosed with terminal liver disease (his beak and claws were growing exponentially so we set an appointment with a specialty bird doc). The Vet gave Dexter a trim and gave my daughter some medicine that she was supposed to administer to Dexter once a day. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that the Vet gave Dexter a month to a year to live.  What?!?  So, my teenage daughter is supposed to traumatize Dexter (and also traumatize herself) once a day by grabbing him out of his cage only to stuff a dropper of medicine into his tiny little beak until he drops dead maybe a 30 days OR 365 days from now?

She came to us two days later and asked us the big question….“What would happen if I stopped giving Dexter his medicine?’  I wasn’t surprised or disappointed. It was a good and tough question.  My husband and I told her that we should all sleep on it then we would discuss it. She clearly was very disturbed every time she had to terrify and wrench Dexter from his cage. Was it fair to ask my daughter to do this every day?

We discussed it and determined that if she decided not to medicate Dexter, that it was okay. This treatment was not a cure. It only prolonged his life – wasn’t it better for the parakeet to be free of stress for the remainder of his days instead of being terrorized once a day for an interminable period of time? We thought so and so did Maddie.

This morning Maddie called my cell phone (not realizing that I decided to work from home today) hysterically sobbing. I hung up my phone and ran upstairs (really glad that I listened to my gut and decided to stay home) and poor Jahmal, the “healthy” one, was lying on the bottom of the cage, honking and wheezing. My Miss Maddie was beside herself. I told her to call the specialty Vet and I would hop in the shower. The Vet said to get there ASAP! I was about 10 minutes away from being ready when Maddie came in and said that she thought he was dead. I ran to her room and confirmed her suspicions.

If the bird at the bottom of the cage had been Dexter, she would have been able to handle it a little better. It was expected. Not Jahmal. He was the healthy one. It wasn’t his time. Sadness….

In calling the Vet to let them know not to expect us, I found out some interesting information. The person I spoke with said that due to the state that he was in (lying on the bottom of the cage, barely conscious and wheezing), it was very likely that there was nothing that they could have done for Dexter.  Huh? Why then would you act like there was something you could do and give my girl hope? Did they need my $80 that much? She could have handled the truth! Little irritated here.

She did have a brief lesson in death today. She experienced her first loss in a very unexpected way (Jahmal wasn’t supposed to go first!) and grieved all day.

Life is just that – unexpected (both good and bad).

A ceremonial burial in the backyard is planned (as soon as it stops raining).

Here’s to my girl and her bird….

Unknown's avatar

Did She Work Here?

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Wow, this is a shocking story – Woman Dies at Desk but Nobody Notices.

This headline caught my eye. This is crazy, right? What does this say about us as a society? Didn’t anyone tell her to have a good weekend? Not to work too late? Or, invite her out for an after-work cocktail?

I haven’t really thought about dying much, but I definitely don’t want to be found at my desk. Where would I want to be discovered? Haven’t thought about that one either, but my place of employment is at the bottom of the list.

A security guard found her the next day around 1:00pm.  She was only 51 years old and had just become a grandma  the week before – so sad! She is just 6 years older than me. wow, wow, wow. . .

Is that how she would have wanted to be remembered? Remembered as the person that died at her desk? I seriously doubt it.

This got me thinking about how I would like to be remembered. Since I haven’t really given this much thought, my feelings regarding this are fuzzy and unclear. I obviously want to be well thought of in the spouse, mother, daughter, friend, sister departments. Would there be anything else? Hmmmm…… I’ll have to get back with you on this one.

When I saw her age, it really struck me. Life is crazy, fleeting, and unexpected. If there is something I really want to do, I better start working on it. 

What am I waiting for?

link to photo

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Something New

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Okay. I tried something new yesterday and it didn’t really work for me. I didn’t like it. What is it, you ask?  . . . . . . I strayed from my normal morning routine.  (-GASP-).

To back track a bit, on my trip to Florida with the girls, I confessed my rigid daily Mon-Fri routine. As I said it aloud, I realized how crazy I sounded. So. . . .

Yesterday: The middle one missed the bus, so I had to venture out (in sweats without a shower and, more importantly, coffee) into rush hour traffic to take the always-tired, sleep-til-the-last-minute teenager to school. Since my routine was already askew, I just went with it and deliberately didn’t do the following in my usual routine: my usual laundry rotation (move load from washer to dryer, put new load in washer), fold the newly dried load, clean up the breakfast remains, and unload and load the dishwasher.

What did I do?  I did make my bed (I can’t let that go), got my paying job work done, did eventually go swimming at 1:00pm and then took my shower (finally!).

Oh, I forgot to mention that I didn’t make the scrumptous dinner I had planned either – I just wasn’t into it (and, that is weird). Everyone had to fend for themselves.

I was going with it……

Then. . . . . I woke up this morning and the dishes were still there, the laundry was still there (and growing) and the downstairs was a mess. Now, I had multiple loads of laundry to fold, the huge mess in the kitchen to clean up (including new breakfast dishes) and the downstairs to straighten. What did straying from my rigid routine get me?  Bigger messes that took longer to clean up.

My experiment didn’t work. This winging it thing only works for me when I’m on vacation (yes, there is vacation-jenni and real-world-jenni). Real-world-jenni needs routines to keep her sane – that’s all there is to it.

I’m glad we finally got that straightened out!

Unknown's avatar

From Fearful to Fearless

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On my drive home from work today, I was thinking about the word fear. What am I most afraid of? Let’s see….

The Big Kahunas: 

  • Loss of financial security
  • Failure (all kinds – parenting, relationships, work, etc.)
  • Stagnation
  • Not being relevant

The Minor Things:

  • Spiders
  • Snakes
  • Jiggly foods (pudding, jello, creme brulee, oatmeal, etc)
  • Driving in Ft. Myers, FL (see my Florida Dreaming post)
  • Pine nuts
  • Hidden dangers (they are lurking everywhere, but where?)
  • Dentists
  • Public Speaking
  • this list could go on all day!

Of the Big Kahunas listed above, the fear that is foremost on my mind these days is stagnation. Not Changing. Not Moving.

Why stagnation? It’s taken a couple of days, but I finally came to the conclusion that the thought of waking up two (four, five, etc.) years from now doing the exact same routine that I’m doing now scares the shit out of me. Stagnation. It even sounds icky when you say it. That’s the ‘worry’ that is consuming my brain. It was a relief to finally figure out the crux of my melancholy that I’ve been feeling. What am I going to do about it? I’m not getting any younger!

Unfortunately for me, my fears of failure and financial ruin are not helping me in my quest to conquer my fear of stagnation. Egads, I’m in trouble.  On the scale from fearful (1) to fearless (10), I would say that my fear level is 4ish (not quite Monk) and I would like it to be a 7 or 8 (let’s be real, a 10 is just not in the cards!).  How do I get there? Is it even possible? 

I’ve been slowly working on this for the last four years. I finally started trying new things to help me get over my fear of not doing something perfectly the first time (this has always been a stumbling block for me).  I haven’t done anything mind-blowing like cage fighting or cliff diving, but here is a short recap:

  • Quit my full-time job without having anything else lined up (that was scary and very much unlike me)
  • Tried a kick boxing class and loved it! But, they eventually stopped offering it at my workout place :(.  I still have the pink gloves in the hopes that it will come back.
  • Took some oil painting classes last spring. This class was a small step in helping me get comfortable with not exuding perfection every time I try something new. My first, second, and third paintings are not that great and it’s okay. I can actually say this truthfully (that’s a big step for me).
  • Started a blog. Putting yourself out there is scary – I don’t do well with criticism. It’s been a great process for me and I’m getting more comfortable with being a little more “real” in my posts and accepting any comments that may come my way. However, in the spirit of full disclosure, the comments have been kind so my resolve has not really been tested.

These steps have been fine, but I feel like I’ve got to do something greater, bigger, different. I’ve had an idea swirling in my head since November, but it requires a lot of fearlessness. Where am I going to come up with all of this courage?

That is the million dollar question.

Leaders are visionaries with a poorly developed sense of fear and no concept of the odds against them.  They make the impossible happen.  – Dr. Robert Jarvik