I wanted to share our 20th anniversary trip with you (just posted on my food blog). We had a great time in Sonoma, CA. If you have never been there, I would highly recommend it!
via Suburban Foodie
Monthly Archives: March 2011
Fear & Manipulation: A Mother’s Trade Secret
My kids bought me a book for Christmas and I love it. I love it so much that I feel the need to share it with you.
It makes me laugh aloud when I’m reading it (if your child takes piano lessons at that place on Old Meridian on Wednesdays, then,”yes”, I’m the nut that sits there by myself reading and laughing). I can’t control it. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that made me lose control like this. It’s weird.
The book is Raising the Perfect Child through Guilt and Manipulation by Elizabeth Beckwith. I wish I was part of a book club that was reading it so I could discuss it with people. She has already prepared some interesting discussion questions for us at the end of each chapter! (Sample discussion question from Chapter 3: “What are some fears that are healthy to impose upon your own child?”)
You may be thinking that I should be a little pissed that my kids thought of me when they saw the title of the book, but I’m not. They know their mommy (they all still call me this, even my junior) pretty well.
I’m only on Chapter 8 (out of 11), but I’ve already decided that Elizabeth and I could be close friends if we lived in the same area. I love her sense of humor.
So far, my favorite Chapter is #3: How to Scare the Crap Out of Your Child (in a Positive Way). I read this chapter and was nodding my head throughout the whole thing (while laughing, of course).
Here is an excerpt from Chapter 3. She has a chart in the book of a scenario, the typical parent response, and the recommended alternative.
Sample from the chart:
Scenario: “I’m thinking of getting a tattoo.”
Popular Response: “You’re not getting a tattoo and that’s final!”
Alternative Response: “A tattoo is forever, you know. You want to be ninety years old with a sun on your lower back? Remember what happened to Gary up the block? He got a tattoo, and next thing you know the poor kid’s got hepatitis.”
Then, she follows the chart with, “All roads lead to death. That was my mantra as a child.”
I can relate to this a lot. Not so much with my own parents, but with my maternal grandma (right, Beth?). Elizabeth’s mom reminds me a little bit of my grandma Helen. She didn’t have the hard edge of the author’s mother, but she had Chapter 3 down pat but in a softer way.
My sister and I used to stay with my grandparents for two weeks out of every summer. They lived two states away (in WV) and it was a way for us to get to hang with them more. I remember one time I was running out of the house barefoot (I never wore shoes as kid) with my WV-friends and as I was leaving the house I grabbed a Coke. This is back in day when Cokes were still in glass bottles.
I could hear my grandma yelling after me, “Jennifer, should you take that coke bottle with you? Be careful with that! Maybe you should put some shoes on! You’ll drop that bottle and then step on the glass and slice your foot open!!!”
I will say that I ignored her advice that day and still ran with the killer coke bottle while remaining shoeless, BUT, I was always mindful of NOT dropping the coke bottle so they wouldn’t have to amputate my useless foot later.
Grandma Helen was definitely a trendsetter. Back in the ’70s, she was already scaring the crap out of her grandchildren in positive way. Still to this day, I can’t look at a glass container of any sort without thinking about impending doom and an emergency room visit.
You can ask my kids – I’ve taken on Grandma Helen’s tactics that way. They will attest to the fact that I can link any activity to serious danger or death if given enough time. I do try to control myself a bit because I don’t want them to be completely neurotic. Fortunately, they also have a father that is the complete opposite and can balance me out a bit.
Well, I need to get back to my book. Won’t someone else pick up a copy so I have someone to laugh with? Surely, someone else out there can read this book with a knowing nod thinking (and laughing), “Yep, I already do that!” -or- “Wow, I need to try that.” -or- “Whoa, Elizabeth’s mom could have been mine!”.
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A Boy and His Hair
My son thought I should write a blog post about his big transformation that occurred yesterday. So, here it is. He went from a pre-teen-Bieber-look back to the little-boy-look.
Before
Haircuts these days are getting tough on me. Why in the world would haircuts be tough? Because of my worrier personality, my brain is constantly spiraling out of control (I know I’m not the only one out there). Watching Jack sit in the big chair getting his hair buzzed allowed me to drift off into my own little world (which can be a scary place sometimes!). My mind starts the usual rambling, one thought leading to another (kind of like the book, If You Give a Moose a Muffin. Do you know that book?).
It went something like this…..wow, look at all that hair, I’m glad he’s getting it buzzed, how long will he let me make his hair decisions?, will this be the last haircut where I have a say?, I can’t believe he will be in junior high next year, whoa Maddie will be a freshman and Rachel will be a senior, when will my boy stop holding my hand in public?, who am I kidding – that will stop this year, will he stay the same sweet, loving boy?, will he be as challenging as the girls were in junior high?, will he be okay in junior high?, where did the time go?, I’m glad he still looks little boyish with the buzz cut, how long will that last?, when will Jack get his growth spurt?, how will Jack handle Rachel going to college?, how will Maddie handle it?, how will I handle it?, what am I going to do when the kids are slowly leaving the house?, what am I going to do with myself and my bigass family-schedule wall calendar when I have no one to organize?, …….
And, then, gratefully, the haircut was over. He hopped out of the chair, I paid the barber and then gave my boy a B-I-G hug like he was leaving for college the next day. He looked at me like, “huh?”. Then two seconds later, I got the super big grin (love that grin).
Whew! I exhaust myself.
He will be turning 11 soon and will be entering junior high as a 6th grader. He’s my baby and I will probably cry harder the first day of school in August 2011 than any other 1st day of school (even harder than when I drove my oldest to school on her first day of 1st grade – back then I thought that was the beginning of the end of the “baby” years.).
I was wrong. The 2011-2012 school year will be the official end of the “baby” years for the Engledows. My youngest will be entering junior high, my middle one will be a freshman at the high school and my oldest will be a senior in high school. – waaaahhhhh!-
I know that these are just more milestones in our lives that can’t be avoided (like turning 40). They just need to be embraced. For me these milestones will be harder to embrace than the typical ones we encounter at the beginning of our lives – getting a driver’s license, graduating from high school, turning 21, graduating from college, getting your first job, getting your first apartment, getting married, buying your first house, starting a family….
All of these early milestones are about adding to our lives in some way (gaining freedom, independence, adding family) and I chased those down as fast as time would allow – I couldn’t wait!
The ones I’m beginning to experience now seem to be about letting go and that’s a weird feeling. I’m definitely not running toward these dang things – these milestones will be dragging me by my hair, while I’m kicking and screaming the entire way.
But, as people will tell me, “It’s a part of life and there’s no reason to dwell on it and make yourself crazy.”
Of course, they (dad) are absolutely right and I’ll get to work on that straight away. It’s always a work in progress for me.
Good-bye, baby years….
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Are You Talking to Me?
So, what do the Engledows talk about? I”m telling you, there are always interesting topics flying around our house.
My 5th grade son has been asking some unexpected questions lately. These are just a few –
What is cleavage?
Poor thing. With two older sisters in the house, sometimes he is forced to watch shows that other boys his age wouldn’t dream of watching. He’s a trooper! He does it in the name of family time. So, the girls were watching “Say Yes to the Dress” and a mother/daughter combo were having a “disagreement” about cleavage and were hoping to reach a “cleavage compromise” with the wedding dress. [side note: cleavage compromise? That could be used in other contexts. I may have to save that one for later.]
The question was a logical one since we don’t use cleavage in every day conversation at the E-house. And, I’m slightly relieved, that at 10 yrs old, he didn’t know enough to realize this could be a somewhat embarrassing question! It’s just a matter of time, folks. Next year he’ll be in junior high and then all bets are off!
Back to the question – Since I was not present for this inquiry, the hubby had to address it. How did he describe it? According to a witness, Mike, while rubbing his high chest area with his hand, told Jack that a little bit of boobs can be seen in this area. Hmm…. I’m wondering what image was left in his head?
What is a bookie?
Huh? Where is he getting this stuff? We asked him what he was reading. It’s a book for his class (The Westing Game). Hmmm…. I had him read me the particular passage from the book. Apparently, in this mystery book, there are quite a few ruffian-types (bookies, thieves, etc.). So, we explained what a bookie was and that it was illegal.
It’s only Monday, people!
Dinner time!!!
What about dinner table talk?
I love it when we all can sit down together for dinner. It’s really very important to both me and Mike and we try to make it a priority. How often do all five of us get to eat together? Probably 3-4 times a week. But, pretty soon it will be just four of us – Rachel will be in her senior year next year and then she will be in college (um….I’m getting teary-eyed thinking about it). I think that’s why cooking and the family dinner has become so important to me.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah….meal time chats with the Engledows.
Um…..before I go any further, I have to explain something to you. Our kids kind of fall into the nerdy category (cute, but nerdy). They are good students, do very well on standardized tests, watch the history channel (along with TLC), love to read, etc. Thus, heated debates sometimes do occur amidst the funny stories and daily humdrum tales. What was the big debate tonight? If you think you can handle it, read on.
Maddie was telling a story about her school day: The lunch lady apparently took longer than normal to ring up her lunch. Maddie told Best Friend (who is also a lovable geek) that the lunch lady seemed nonplussed. “Tee hee hee” and then BF told Maddie that she pronounced ‘nonplussed’ wrong! Another “Tee hee hee”.
– aahhhh, nerd humor –
Then, Jack interrupted Maddie’s rivoting, not-really-that-funny school story by saying that BF pronounced it incorrectly and that Maddie was actually right.
Meanwhile, Hubby and I are both like, “What does this word mean?” AND, all three of our children chimed in with the same meaning (geeks!), but was it correct?
Mike and I needed convinced. AND, the debate was still raging on the pronunciation. So, of course, Maddie immediately drops her fork and rushes to obtain a dictionary and we all await with bated breath to listen to the correct definition and pronunciation! Who was right?????
The kids were all correct on the definition and Jack was correct on the pronunciation. Mystery solved!
BTW, for those of you that don’t use this word in every day conversation, it means confused / perplexed / to put at a loss as to what to think, say, or do. Criminetly! I do crossword puzzles about 4 days a week and didn’t know what it meant.
Should I continue with more tales from the table? Nah,….. I won’t do that to you. You’ve held in there this long and, surely, you get the idea. There were also some silly stories and bad jokes thrown in to cap off the dinner this evening.
I find talking with my children very challenging (the questions are getting harder), informative (I learned a new word) and entertaining (they do make me laugh!).
I’m looking forward to tomorrow and to more Engledow chats and challenging questions!
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Happy 1st Blogaversary to Me!
March 11, 2010, I posted my first online “musing”. I just finished reading it (again) – I haven’t read it since last March when I first posted it.
Have I made any progress in training my brain to think like an easy-going, non-worrying, glass half full person? I don’t think so, but I am my own worst critic. However, if I asked the hubby or my friends (the people in my life I count on to be honest with me) I would think that they would concur. I guess I’ll have to take a poll! I’ll get back to you on that one.
Have I made any big “What If?” changes in my life? – not really. I’m still a chicken-shit at heart. Changing a chicken-shit into a brave soul is really quite a feat. This will be an ongoing, long process.
Why did I decide to start blogging? I was reading a friend of mine’s blog. I loved it and it inspired me (She hasn’t been on it in a while, but I’m waiting for her to come back to it). You should check it out. I really, really enjoy her writing.
Her blog got me thinking, “What if I started a blog? What would it be about? Me? My family? Would anyone read it? Do I care if anyone reads it? What if I do care and no one reads it?, etc., etc.”
There I was analyzing the idea to death in the usual Jenni-fashion. I told myself to shut up and just do it. So, I did.
Blogging has been really great fun. I’ve made some really nice blog friends – I’ve never met these individuals, but I feel as though I know them through their writing. They are the ones that comment the most frequently on my posts and remind me that someone is actually reading what I’m dishing out!
They are:
Writing has been a really good exercise for me – it has really made me think. So. . . .I’ve been thinking a lot.
Wait! Maybe it’s not a good thing…I think I’ve turned into a little bit of a daydreamer (What am I thinking about?Everything). That’s not good – daydreaming is not very productive. One of my traits is having the ability to hyperfocus – it seems to be slipping. Shoot!
Any who,what was I talking about? Oh yeah! What was my most popular post? The one that described our Bed Bug Adventure last spring. This was a couple of months before bed bugs became a big news item (we were ahead of our time!).
My second most popular post has been my first one – Thoughts on “What If?”. I find that somewhat interesting. I guess I’m not the only one out there wondering what the heck we are supposed to be doing here.
Well, I am definitely looking forward to my next year in blogging about this, that and the other thing. I hope you are looking forward to reading about it!
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My Surreal Day
Today started out like any other day, except now we have TWO alarms (yipee!). Yep, you heard me. It’s kind of a long boring story, but I’ll tell it anyway.
Okay, we’ve been using the same alarm clock since we’ve been married (20 yrs) – it was my husband’s. He’s had it since he was a kid – that makes the alarm clock about 30-35 years old. It has finally had enough – I’d look at the clock and it would be correct and then I’d turn around and it would say 19:35 pm. What the heck is that? Military time? It had become possessed.
Sadly, we acknowledged that the time had come to buy a new-fangled one. After perusing our options at Best Buy this past weekend, we determined that alarm clocks just don’t have any style anymore. So Sad. Anyway, we finally picked one, but it was a little more complicated to set than the “old timer” (as you can imagine). The new ones are little computers now. Because we weren’t convinced that we had set it up properly, we have been using both alarm clocks since Monday morning. This morning , I had alarms going off all over the place – oh, brother! I think we’ve finally figured it out now. Time for the old one to go.
What to do with the old possessed clock? Loan it to the Smithsonian? Bury it in the backyard? Put it in the basement storage for it to collect dust? I’m just not sure. I’ll have to confer with the original owner on that one.
Back to this morning – after silencing all of the alarms, I’m up and at ’em, ready to take on the day! I’ve completed my morning routine, poured my coffee in my travel mug and headed out the door. Bam! I spilled coffee on the driver’s seat (not sure how that happened with the travel mug, but oh well). Great. Cleaned up the mess, got in the car and headed toward my destination.
Oh, and yeah, I forgot my phone. I realized this when I was about 10 minutes from the meeting. I can live without my phone, right? I mean, I’m supposed to have it off from 9am to 1pm during the meeting anyway. My husband won’t call …..My boss won’t call…. My kids’ schools won’t call with an emergency, right? Nah… {In the back of my mind, I’m thinking about how many people will now be trying to contact me since I don’t have my phone.}
The destination? An insurance meeting. Yay. 4 hours long. I’ve never been to one of these meetings before (Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’ve attended many an insurance conference/meeting in my 20 yr career). This one was different. . . . . You may be wondering how? Well, read on, my friends.
My husband thinks I blacked out once I was in the parking lot (from the intense worry and anxiety about not having my phone) and then this was what I “remembered”:
Well, the host (not the speaker) was dressed in an Elmo sweatshirt and unusually chipper (I just don’t get these morning people). To sign in, I was handed a pen that had about 50 (okay, 6) bells on it.
Elmo (noticing me staring at the pen): “It was left over from mardi gras.”
Me: “Well, thank goodness. That is the most annoying pen I’ve ever seen.”
Elmo: “Well, I like it. (Oops!) It let’s me know when someone is out here signing in. (double oops!).”
Then, I walk in and see my co-workers sitting in the front row so I join them. Then, one of them leans over and tries to explain the style of these meetings to me. Okay…..
Apparently, the theme of the meeting was “Learning our A, B, C’s” and then our host began the meeting by speaking in an Elmo-like child’s voice. What? Was I hearing things? I turn to look at my co-worker and she confirmed that I wasn’t hearing things.
Oh dear.
The host also had some door prizes (lots of door prizes) which were doled out throughout the meeting. At every seat was a candy with a number on it. The gift bags were labeled with sticky notes with just As, Bs and Cs. Like, cc cc cc cc – this bag contained three Cookie Candles and one Chocolate Candle which elicited a loud chuckle from the crowd. Then there was one that had Apple Blossom Bubble Bath (a b b b) in it.
Then at the end of the meeting, she introduced the sponsor for our “breakfast munchies” as she had two door prizes for two lucky attendees. The first lucky number was pulled (not me) and then out of nowhere, the host had an Elmo book on her hands and was making the little hands clap while “yaying” in the Elmo voice. What???? Then, the second lucky number was pulled (again, not me) and again the Elmo clapping hands and voice. (see book below – this was the exact book).
I kinda of hope that my husband is right and that I did hallucinate most of my day today. I did find myself in my car headed home wondering if what I just experienced was real.
It was definitely the most unusual meeting I’ve ever attended. But, if I imagined it, why do I have random, meaningless notes from this meeting? Hmm….
I guess I won’t know the truth until I confer with my co-workers on Monday.
I’ll keep you posted…..
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FYI to my Engledow Chronicles Peeps
For those that faithfully follow the The Engledow Chronicles (BTW, I really want to thank you!), I wanted to let you in on something (in case you haven’t heard).
I’ve started another blog totally devoted to….Food.
If you like cooking and/or eating, check out the Suburban Foodie.
Happy Eating!
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What Keeps Me up at Night?
WordPress Post A Week 2011 topic suggestion #56:
What keeps me up at night?
Ummm…it might be easier to list the things that don’t keep me up at night:
- Tornadoes – it’s a good thing the hubby is a light sleeper
- The dog barking
- Wondering who got kicked off American Idol – our family is Idoled out.
- Wondering if my husband will like the dusty purple paint color I have picked for our kitchen. He will love it as soon as he sees it.
- What I’m going to fix for dinner this week
- Wondering about the Kardashians and how they are doing in New York
- My awesome kids – they are really good ones!
- My awesome hubby – 20 years this year. I got a great one!
- If Charlie Sheen will get his kids back
Okay, the stuff that does keeps me up at night, here we go:
- Paying for college beginning in the Fall of 2012
- Money in general – Are we saving enough? What do our retirement accounts look like? What if we have a medical emergency? Are we too much in debt?
- What I’m going to do with myself going forward
- Worrying about my driving daughter when she is out
- What disaster is lurking around the corner that would cause one of us to lose our jobs
- I really need to exercise more – how can I make a routine?
- Do we need new windows? If so, how do we pay for them?
- The Middle East – I’ve got to stop watching the news! (I don’t want gas prices to hinder our trek across America this summer. Plus, will Khaddafy (sp?) do chemical warfare on his own people?)
- One of my daughters’ math grade (shall remain unnamed).
- If my husband’s company will continue doing well (I should leave that worry to the hubs).
- Dexter – Maddie’s bird. Poor thing.
- My boy’s baby teeth – they just aren’t falling out on their own. What is up with that? Will we have to have them pulled? How much will that cost?
- Losing our Health Insurance
- How we are going to avoid Bed Bugs when we go on our vacation
- Blah, Blah…..
There is no rhyme or reason to what makes the list. Once I get it in my head, it won’t go away unless it gets resolved. As you can tell from the list, most of these items are just ongoing thoughts that I can’t really do anything about and most will remain unresolved!
Well, they just had to ask, didn’t they?!
How do people keep these thoughts from swirling around in their heads all of the time? Late at night it’s just me and my swirling thoughts.
I will say that once I do get to sleep (I generally stay up too late), it’s like raising the dead in the morning. My husband laughs because I hit the snooze exactly 3 times every morning and then I get up.
How do you calm the mind?
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Hidden Talent, Where Are You?
Since I’m part of the Post A Week Challenge on WordPress, I regularly receive emails with topic suggestions for posts.
Here is Topic #59:
What’s your hidden talent? Also included were these follow-up questions: What is the skill or ability you have people are always surprised to learn you possess? What hidden talent do you wish you had?
Hidden Talent. Powerful words.
I usually read the suggestion and then toss it. But, this one has been really bugging me and so, it’s still hanging out in my inbox. Why?
I’ve been mulling this one over and over. I don’t think I have a hidden talent. Does everyone have one and I missed out?
I can’t sing like Susan Boyle (my kids will attest to that!).
I’m not really that creative or artistic. My artistic claim to fame was drawing elephants on my notebooks in junior high.
I can’t balance a lawnmower on my chin (I saw someone do this on Ellen!).
I don’t really have fashion sense so I can’t design the next “pajama jean”.
I can’t play any musical instrument except maybe the recorder (I bet I can still do Hot Cross Buns). Not really a “talent” since every kid in elementary school can do this.
I can cook, but it’s not hidden.
I can organize anything and anyone to death, but again, not hidden and not a “talent”.
I can do the daily Indy Star crossword puzzle in about 13 minutes (my personal best). (impressive, right?)
I can fold fitted sheets like nobody’s business (thanks, mom!).
Because I am a TV hound, I can recall obscure actors and actresses names. Not really sure this is all that unique.
Maybe….
I installed our new kitchen disposal and saved us $600. Is that a talent?
Seriously, though, I think my 4-year mid-life crisis (4-yr anniversary is this April. You’re wondering about the start date. I’ll get to that.) has been all about finding my hidden talent and I haven’t found it yet. You’d think after this long, it would have revealed itself by now. Maybe I’m looking too hard.
Okay, the start date of my mid-life crisis? How can it have a start date? Well, it was the day that I quit my full-time job. When working at this crazy job, I didn’t have time to contemplate my life or what I would be doing down the road. I was just trying to get through the day: wake up, take kids to daycare, work, pick up kids from daycare (and when older, take them to practice of some sort), fix dinner, help with any homework, watch some TV, talk to family, do more work, go to bed….. you get the idea.
When I finally got the time to stop and think about what I really wanted to do (4 yrs ago), I literally locked up. “What the hell am I going to do?” I’d been going 100 mph for so long, I didn’t really have time to find my passion or time to discover my hidden talent (if it’s there). Yoo hoo, hidden talent, come on out!
Well, I’m still here trying to figure it out. But, in the meantime, I’m still doing insurance (on a part-time basis). Not really the big switch I had fantasized about.
Maybe I need to enter the acceptance stage of this pursuit and come to grips with the fact that I may not have a hidden talent. At least one that I can use to blaze a new path for myself at this point in my life.
Nah, I’m not completely ready to throw in the towel just yet. The one thought that keeps me focused on my pursuit is that I don’t want to be the old lady in the office that they keep around only because she is the vessel of knowledge of all of those that had gone on before her (you know, the office “tribal elder” that knows how to do everything).
I’ll just have to keep trying and be patient…..
The Engledow Chronicles 